It's the Simple Things in LifeThat Entertain Me

The Artist as a Young Man
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

You lee-juns of fans out there may think that I am a high maintenance big-haired Dallasite who is just sullenly stuck in the lab-rinth of East Texus, prancing around in my weddin dress and ordering folks to do my biddin, threatnin em with the fire and brimstone of my oversized spatula, but no. It's really the simple things in life that get me: a peaceful morning praying to St. Mattress, cheap te-keel-ya, chunky dunkin in Fatty Jr's pool, and gettin a new bridge for my upper bicuspids. Watching the devil dog get bee-rated by the fat pussy, hearing stories of fishin camp adventures from My Yo Mama, and trading recipes and hints for how to sneak a snort in the pantry with my perty sis, Cat Crap. Scaring the crud out of Bumpus with my late night she-nanner-gins and painting pictures with no pants on.

And what gives me daily enter-tane-munt as of late is taking a look at the site meter which tracks how visitors find our happy little corner of cybercrap. Here's a list of the best recent searches people have used that called up the family blog as a first-page result, using either msn.com or search.yahoo.com:

TOE KNEE CHEST NUT

This search is done a lot, thanks to those underpaid elementary school music teachers who just want the words to a wee-singer classic. Are you out there, GT Hag?

PICTURES OF DANGERUS DOGS

That was probably some red neck who was wanting an illustration next to their fence sign. Thanks to Yo Mama and her spelling challengs, we were 8th on the list.

WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER

We came it at #1, thanks to the photo Yo Mama provided of the foul gams.

DYSFUNCTIONAL MOTHER

Apparently, it's a popular search. We come in at #3, right after recovery-now.org and Mother Goose and Grimm. Do you think dropping by our site gives em any peace?

GIRLS WITH BIG PUSSES

We are a sadder #24 out of about 177,000 on this search. I know that I just broke my own rule because it's not on the first page, but I thought that maybe saying GIRLS WITH BIG PUSSES GIRLS WITH BIG PUSSES GIRLS WITH BIG PUSSES a few times might move us up on the list.

MAKE A DOG PUKE

We are number two on this results list, and at least three people have entered this search before. Do we have an underground doggie bulemia epidemic in the US?

There were also a couple of searches using the word NEKID which I argue should be spelled NEKKID but we don't show up in the first few pages, so I stopped looking, although I was glad to see the top result read something like this, "Necked Women: Shop eBay for anything and everything". They obviously changed the spelling yet again, which is wrong because that would be said as "neck'd" not NECK-ID.

Just like the Devil Dog with his balls:

It's good to be easily amused.