With a new school year comes a struggle that we face every August: dumbass hicks who cannot follow instructions.
While only about 85 people live in our town, at 3 PM, when the elermentally school is getting out, from out of somewhere literally 150 cars line up to pick up their precious little snot-nosed, disease-ridden, skid-mark infested, holy terrors straight out of hell angels from la escooooooooooo-ela.
And every year at "Meet the Person Who Will Make You Do Science Projects at 11:45 PM Each Sunday Night Until You've Been Punished into Slack Jawed Submission" Open House Night, we get a fresh set of loverly typed out instructions on how to line up for pick up, including direct--though usually not followed up on--threats that the PO-LICE WILL COME AFTER YOUR HAIRY HICK ASS IF YOU DON'T FOLLER THEM THAR DIE-RECT-SHUNS!
And every year we start off with at least 50% of the iggits lining up on the wrong streets, cutting in line, blocking intersections, chewing ta-backer and spittin' it inna sty-roe-form cup (that's be cardboard to yer PO, Mama), and generally getting all uppity because "BY GOD MY PEOPLE ARE FROM THIS TOWN WAY BACK AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN IF I'M COCK-EYED AND BUCK-TOOTHED CAUSE WE DON'T NEVER 'SOCIATE WITH OTHER PEOPLE AT ANY OTHER PLACE THAN THE YEARLY TOWN FISH FRY AND DON'T YOU OUTTATOWNERS COME IN HERE AND TRY TO TELL ME HOW TO PARK MY DOOLEY WHILE I'M aWAITIN' FER MAH BOY!"
So one of my friends...yeah, I gotta couple... suggested that I start selling signs that we could wave at the iggits who can't foller inst-rukt-shuns. Rufus and I want to give this one a try. We wrote "Go Lions" on it as a friendly gesture in support of the football team, because we in Tex-us know how important that is.
We'll let you know how this works, in case you want to use a similar hick-herdin' tactic in your town.
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2 comments:
Fatty, Yo Mama is a-buttin N on what B ur buzines but whom-ever B needin to tak a sci-project to la escuela promptle on Monday in the a.m. B needin to mak that nouncement prior to 11:45 p.m. What wood happen if that project jes didn't materialize a time or 2?
Are U gittin ur proper credit for makin signs and things that a-glowin in the dark? Iffin U R then meybe they move U uppa grade or 2. B thinkin U need to standup 4 ur rites and tell Bumpus thet he gotta make his own projects cause U be overworket and under payet. Yo Mama jes kaint help but think that big skool in the city nos Bumpus aint-a making them things, that hissin Mama is-a doin it.
Jes be thinkin 2 bout that fish fry, Yo Mama sur does luv fryed-up fish. Whatta else they B a servin with that grease, sum grease taters and bread with lotsa butter? Iffin we B lucky mite even B sum fried up okrey. When 'n where that little parte taking place next? I B gittin my flying-in-the-sky tickets so I kin be lst in line.
Meybe good idear to wing N-2 Waco and pick up thet G woman and bring her long too. She cum frum small town, meybe she be good 2 talk to them buck tooth dimwitted folks?
Lemme know what U think about them above words-a-wisdom 'n what B the dress code for the parte of the yr.
P.S. Gotta nother idear. Git on ur fancy puter and make ur own lista rules, print lotsa copies and let Rufus break all them stupid rules and wander up 'n down the car-filled street a-passin them out 2 the folks who jes don't git the piktur. Cud even pass them babies out door-2-door n-case sum them deep wood peple no how 2 read.
An 2 top it all off, write a letter to the editor of ur newspaper and meybe even one to that paper in W. TX. wher Holly b-living so they lern how to do frum ther well-located-near-big-city friends.
Yo Mama brain tried of thinkin now.
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