My Kaptain of All the World, who knows most everything there is 2 know bout anything sez paper napkins are not 2 B thrown away after each meal. We has to keep 'em and keep 'em til they become good diet support - ruint yur appetite when you set down to an-other luvely home prepared meal by the smilin, gracious and expert cooker on the boat-of-the-year. 'N then, when they bekum naste enuf, he takes 'em and polishes stuff with 'em, like the hinges on the frig-er-ator and freeze box. I bet them roaches on other people's boats kin smell that good stuff setting now on my hinges and kin hardley wait for nite time. Todays offerins on them hinges is mayo, musterd, sweet pickle relish, cookie, oatmeal, brown sugar, milk.
Do U suppose ur mama has been locked up 2 long with her PO, I mean, think bout this. I been sittin within his vision sence May 26 x-cept for my 2 day time off 4 good behavior when he went boat shoppin one more time. And then he wanted me setting by the phone so he could call me 'n see what I thought bout nothin.
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Yo Mama wrote this all by herself
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2 comments:
Honey, Martha Stewart has more freedom under HER house arrest than you do with your P.O. If I was you, El Capitan would have been shark food by now......... I vote to thrown the friggin' napkins away and get him a swiffer instead. I guess it's a good thing that you aren't allowed to use paper plates or El Capitan would have you washing the Chinet. I think you need to tell HIM that HE needs to fly back home for a few days and batten down the hatches before the next hurricane hits - that way you could sit at a table alone for a few days.....
Mama, tell your PO that saving napkins isn't doing anything to save money or resources. INSTEAD, he need to make you by 2-ply terlet paper and then make you sep-er-ate the plys into two new roles: voila! half price coochie wipers! Can't take credit: I saw it on Opry before she got skinny and high in the instep.
Then remind him that you need to follow the color chart (is it on your icebox OR WHAT?): If it's yellow, let it MELLOW. It is is brown, then hang your ass over the side of the boat in the middle of the pitch dark night and let it drop into the blue blue water! (yes, that's right: you can only poop once per lunar cycle, when the new moon makes it dark, dark, dark outside, so no one can see the PO's shiny hiney doing its thing over the starboard side).
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