Dumpster Divin' Ditty

Woke up this morning with too much on my mind.....
Had too much to do and was already behind.....
Went to the Church to work on their books....
But I couldn't find the bank bag, no matter where I looked....
I had it in my car just a few days ago....
But now it was gone and it troubled me so....
I tore up my car and my desk at the house....
I felt so incompetant, so much like a louse....
I was fearin' that God would soon strike me down....
For losin' his records he surely would frown....
But then in an instant I seemed to recall....
That I'd cleaned out my car and emptied it all....
In the TRASH oh my gosh, so where could it be?
I quickly thought through it - the options were three...
I ran first to the kitchen and stomped on the pedal....
Old cat food smell hit me with rusty old metal....
No bank bag in there, I quickly deduced.....
Now it was time to explore option number two....
Outside on the porch is a great big green can....
Which is emptied irregularly by my resident trashman....
Oh could I be lucky I thought and I prayed....
But when I ripped the lid off I was quickly dismayed....
The green can was empty except for a can....
And an old pizza box and a rotting old ham....
My stomach did sink when I knew what was comin'....
So I shut up the can to stop the flies' hummin....
I turned, went inside and let out a sigh.....
Then dug up some trash to use as my disguise....
I trudged to the alley and looked left and right.....
I imagined the gossip that would happen that night....
I found the two dumpsters, both rusty and old.....
They were filthy and moldy and oh so very cold....
I threw open the lid and peered ore' the side.....
At that very moment I lost all my pride....
I heaved myself over and started to look....
Old food, dirty diapers and a worn telephone book....
But under it all what did I soon spy?
That damn white bank bag, with the deposits inside....
I grabbed it real quick and ran while I could.....
Did I make it unnoticed? Was I out of the woods?
But as I ran down the alley I looked up ahead....
And saw in a window an old ladies' head....
My God I'd been spotted, what would they all think....
The President's wife has had too much to drink?
Oh well, that's my tale of misery and woe....
But better a dumpster diver than a drunk or a hoe.