Magoo and Rufus Prepare for Church

At dinner tonight, Rufus was busy teaching Magoo some new tunes. I'm assuming that this is in preparation for our bi-monthly church attendance this coming weekend. First he taught her the individual words, then she put it together in a song.

Sing along, using the melody to "Are You Sleeping, Brother John":

"Rat pa too tee, Rat pa too tee,
Chicken balls. Chicken balls.
Meaty meaty meatballs.
Meaty meaty meatballs.
Spherical meat. Spherical meat."

Yes, I had to ask Bumpus how to spell spear-i-cal.

Just Standing By ..........

Y.M. is threw with her flowerbed
cleaning and planting and now she
just standing by WAITING FOR
BLOG PHOTOS AND FULL REPORT
ON THE MOST RECENT TRIP OF
THE WAYWARD GIRLIES...........

Home Again

Guess what arrived home 2-day, no
canvas, lotsa stuff 2 do 2 make ready
for the fall voyage. The Kaptain was a
nervous nelly til he got it all tied up.
And, NO, he did not drive the boat, got
his Friend Frank the pilot to drive and
The Kaptain just hung out and bossed
the whole situation. Glad to have that
behind us. Shame I won't be here for the
next 4 days to haul, load, clean, move and
smile alot. B doing that next week.
Y.M. reporting in

A Bit of His-tor-E

We gonna put this somewhere M-Portant
on the outside of That House so people B
knowing where they R. This is Hal's first
office sign, 1966. Don't ya think this is a
winner? Got 2 more, one a more recent
sign and then the last one "Corporate
Office" when they moved him out of the
main office N-2 the little office next door.

Dear CPS,I hereby confess to scaring the shit out of my daughter.Love,Fatty

A few weeks ago, Magoo and I were having our evening shower party, where I end up sitting on the floor of the shower while she plays with all the toys I manage to cram in there, much to Bumpus's sha-grin.

We ended up playing a game where I would hide my eyes with my hands, Magoo would pour water from a cup over my shoulder/leg/head, and I would open my hands and yell BOO! Think of a shower version peek-a-boo and you have the idea. So this went on for some time, probably a dozen rounds, and she was having a blast, shrieking and laughing.

I went for another round, closed my eyes, felt the water pour over my shoulder, and yelled "BOO!" She screamed and laughed and then look absolutely shocked. Her face froze and she stood very still. Then she turned around and looked down. She had pooped. She was MORT-ee-FIDE.

Now, let me take a little side trip here to say that each of my boys had one poop-in-the-tub incident. I was mortified, but each of them at their own point (around 2 years old) thought is was hilarious. They laughed and pointed and laughed some more. I got out the friggin' bleach and went to work on the e-coli.

Poor Magoo. She was more ashamed than I have ever seen her look. Of course, I immediately started saying "It's okay, baby, let's just clean it up." Well, actually, I said that right after I said "Wait. Stand real still. Don't move." It was about the size of a small cat turd (TMI!!!), so I got it with some tissue, flushed it, and then (without Magoo in the shower, of course, you silly CPS people) did the bleach clean up. She was very quiet this whole time, but I was having a hard time not jiggling...I mean giggling...that, too.

We dried off, got dressed, and went out to tell Bumpus. I told the story, while she continued to look sheepish. I gave her kisses and told her it was okay. Finally, she looked at me very sternly. She may have even raised her little chubby finger and wagged it at me a little. In a very annoyed tone, she finally spoke: "No more scare baby, mama. No BOO. Boo Baby POOP!"

This lecture continued for the next 10 minutes.

Four Punkins, One Dead Battery

Bad news:
Dumb Fatty went off and left the lights turned on in the Jeep. The battery was so dead that it didn't even make that clicking sound when I turned the key.

Good news:
Fatty realized this 30 minutes before school let out, enough time to get the stroller/child/drinks organized before taking the 3/4 mile walk to school to get all the people. The weather was outstanding, a perfect day. The people refrained from complaining. I must be reaping good karma. We stopped off at the pumpkin patch on the way home and picked out the huge orange mass you now see taking up the stroller. It probably weighs about 35 pounds. It rode home in the stroller, while Magoo rode on the foot plate up front. A very fine day.

I'm writing about this, so I can refer back to it in the midst of the screaming chaos that is my normal life.

Magoo's Halloween Review

"PUNKIN! YES PUNKIN IS MIIIIIINNNNNEEEEEUH. My punkin RIGHT NOW!"















"Ohhhhhh me yike dat scary. Yes. My scary."















"Uh Oh man boo boo. Bandaid Mama?"










"Silly moo cow."











"Me no yike. Scccccaaaaarrry. No take home. Bye bye scary."

I Love to Ride My BicycleI Love to Ride My BikeI Love to Ride My BicycleI Love to Ride It Where I Like

Disclaimer: Yes, she wears a helmet when we're moving.

Magoo Speaks Her Piece: #0000000000002

Another church adventure today. The first part is what all of us were saying in unison, and the bold print is what Magoo yelled at the end of the Lord's Prayer:

"...and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. CHICKEN NUTS!"

Between a Rock and a Soft Place

Where there's a will, there's a way.
Lucy, a Jack Russell terrier/beagle
prefers Boomer Beagle to a hard rock
island in the FRIO RIVER. Makes
Yo Mama wanna take our Lucy and
head for the hills.

Was I Supposed to be able to Resist?

Girls at Work

Haiku Soup Review: Nile Spice Black Bean

Good taste, low-cal lunch
Half your fiber day
Air biscuit dessert

Frat Daddy in Training, Lesson #3: Spin and Finesse

For reference, the first teacher that contacted me about Rufus's behavior has not caused us any trouble since the letter...notice how I skillfully turned that around and made the issue *her* problem and not our (Rufus's mouth's) problem...that's called spin.

So tonight, I go through the Tuesday folder looking at the tons of worksheets that have been completed in the last school week. Grades are acceptable until I get to the 77 on the science homework. Rufus had completed the front page but did not see/complete the back. I showed it to him, told him that he had to be more careful, and said that he should complete it anyway...that I would write a note so the teacher would see that he had at least done the work. "She most likely won't give you any credit," I said, "but at least she will know that we cared."

Rufus immediately took the paper...PAUSE: Now, let's interject here that Rufus never does anything I ask on the first request--three, four, five requests, all with increasing volume and jes-tick-u-lashuns are required....BACK TO STORY: and he immediately sat down to fill it in. That took him only about 30 seconds, and I stood with my hand out waiting to take it back so I could write the note. However, he didn't even look up, much less give me the paper. He immediately set out to write his own note, shown in this photo.

Here is a translation:
"I wrote the answers hoping you might have mercy once for the bad grade. Love, thank you, Rufus. P.S. I'll keep my hopes up because you're nice." That's called Frat Daddy Finesse, 7-year-old style.

Wisdom of Rufus #926

We were at dinner with Yo Mama, stuffing ourselves silly on dee-vine Mexican food. Magoo was being her gregarious self, flirting with all the senior citizens sitting around us. A lady walked up to our table and said hi to Magoo, who announced that she is "TWO!" years old. At that, the lady turned to us, beaming, and said, "She is SO CUTE!" to which Rufus replied:

"Yea, she may look cute, but she's really vicious."

Magoo Speaks Her Piece: #0000000000001

I took the three kids to church this morning because I may go to hell for being irreverent, but I ain't going to hell for not teaching my kids about that ol' time religion. Without that background knowledge, how will they grow up to be irreverent, too???

We made it about 3/4 of the way through the service, in a very tiny, very old church with not enough people to mask the behavior of my own heathens, when Magoo started getting antsy. She had had enough and started stomping around, singing loudly, and generally being a distraction. I am good at hissing threats into a child's ear on occasions just such as this:

Fatty hissing to Magoo: "Sit down and be quiet or I'll take you outside for a swat."

Magoo, loudly: "Ou-siiiiide? Yes!"

Fatty the Snake into Magoo's ear: "But do you really want to go outside if that means you'll get a swat?"

Magoo: "Ou-side, yes! Schwat, okay."

I guess that is called having priorities.

Bye Bye IKE!

I am a firm believer in the intersection of karma, cosmic timing, and the-getting-of-what-you-desperately-need. Once again, this temporal voodoo has proven itself true:

6:10 PM: We arrive home to our town-without-power
6:13 PM: We go through the FEMA line to get two bags of ice
6:23 PM: Bumpus goes to get the kids from his parents
6:30 PM: I decide that I should do something productive with my last 45 minutes of light
6:31-6:55 PM: I clean out the icebox, wipe the whole thing down with soapy water, rinse all the shelves, door holder thingys, etc.
6:56 PM: I say this outloud--"Okay God, I finally cleaned out the nasty icebox. I know I should have done that months ago, but that brown dried stuff really creeped me out. You didn't have to send a hurrycane to get me to finally do this and all...well, yes, I guess it take a hurrycane or at least a big ol power outage to get me to do this. Okay, I see the era of my ways. Now I done what I shoulda done. Can we have some lights soon?"
7:15 PM: Bumpus arrives home with children and with a fabulous warm dinner, sent by his parents
7:16-7:45 PM: We eat, read the paper sitting outside in the last daylight and West-Nile-infected swarms of mosquitos, having a lovely and peaceful family time
7:55 PM: The neighbor knocks on our door: THE POWER IS ON!
7:56 PM: We throw all the breakers, and indeed, we have LIGHTS!
7:57-7:58 PM: I do a rather enthusiastic but somewhat uncoordinated and a little bit skanky "Thank the Ba'hai and the whole voodoo theory for working like it should!" dance in the driveway
8:00 PM: I run around to the neighbors telling them to turn off those noisy po-lutin generaters and light up!
8:05 PM: I realize that the street behind us, where all these neighbors live, doesn't actually have power yet
8:10 PM: I come back home and tell Bumpus, "Well, thank god we're on the better side of the power lines. I hope their lights come on soon, but in the meantime, they can have their generaters...I'm washing some of my laundry!"
8:15 PM: I put laundry in the washer on cold and dream of how long it will take the hot water heater to get revved up for my bath and then for the dishwasher full of crusty dishes that has been sitting there since last Friday night...
8:17 PM: It occurs to me that maybe, just maybe, they will have school tomorrow and I won't have to take all three children to my 11:30-1:30 lunch meeting at a non-kid-friendly restaurant. I am feeling giddy with relief!
8:18 PM: I sit down, check my email, and decide to write a blog posting about how my voodoo worked and life is good--except for those people behind us with the generaters
8:20 PM: The lights flicker twice and go back out.
Somewhere around 10:00 PM: We go to bed, still in no-power mode.
.
.
.
8:00 AM, Day 7: Magoo and I are laying in bed, the first time to get a full night's rest in 6 days. I listen to the electronic* church bells playing from downtown, through my open window...

*For those who have inhaled the dust from too much scoopable cat litter (among other things), that means that the town, as well as our house, had e-lec-tri-city.

Hurry-Friggin-Cane Update: Days 1-6

Signing off until (1) next Tuesday (Day 12) or (2) the power comes back on.

Day 6 (Wednesday):
Status: Still no power, but rumors that it may be restored by the weekend.
Activities: Last day at work for the week, because I must rescue the amazing in-laws from the wrath of my three school-less children. Very, very, very cold shower.
Attitude: Cheap white wine isn't so bad at room temperature.

Day 5 (Tuesday):
Status: Still no electricity. Web site says it will be restored by the 29th of this month (13 days).
Activities: Another day at work, then home to set up camping supplies (cooler, lantern, camping cook stove the size of a saucer...a tea saucer, you smart ass, not a flying saucer)
Attitude: WTH? Feeling at wits end.

Day 4 (Monday):
Status: Still no electricity. No word on when it might be restored, perhaps three weeks from now. Remnants of frozen food moved to very kind in-laws house. FEMA ice, water, and fruit received.
Activity: Leave three heathens with very kind in-laws, go to work. Back home, to light lantern, cook Ramen noodles on camping stove, and sleep in own bed.
Attitude: How am I supposed to get news or do any work without Internet access at home?

Day 3 (Sunday):
Status: At the very kind in-laws house, having cooked partial Fiesta Feast. No significant storm damage of any kind (we are too far inland).
Activity: Wondering how in Ba'hai's name the power could still be on way out in the country but not at our house in the big city.
Attitude: Confounded.

Day 2 (Saturday):
Status: Power goes out at 7 AM. It isn't even raining yet.
Activity: Diet out the window. Large bowl of beans and fritos for breakfast.
Attitude: Whatever.

Day 1 (Friday):
Status: Icebox full of beer, cheap wine, raw tortillas, fiesta feast supplies.
Activity: Put on large crock pot of pinto beans to cook overnight.
Attitude: I got laundry to do and a book to read. Bring on the rain and wind, Ikey

Don't worry Rufus.....

You will be a FINE Frat Daddy one day!!!!!