I need to stop feeding my children. They grow too fast and it's too damned expensive.
"Boudreaux, come try on these new shorts that Bumpus bought you. Let's see if they fit."
(Fatty turns back to business in the kitchen.)
(Shuffling and grunting sounds.)
"Mom? They are too small! I can't even get them over my hips!"
Momentary silence.
"Did you unbutton them?"
Pause.
"Oh! Now they fit just fine."
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