Camping Cousins lookin 4 U

Done come across some folks that the mama looks like Fatty and Cat Crap so I know you will want to be callin them to co-ord-in-ate yo weekends together. Shore kan't unnerstand why U don't no them already. Jes look at the last photo down the line, where the en-tire family is a-grinning and yule see what I saw.

Check out their blog:

http://defordfamily.blogspot.com

Neighbor Cousin unclejon has religious leanings for Lent

Just thought you might wanna look in on
http://unclejon.blogspot.com
and check out his givin ups for the Lenten
season. has some interesting ideas -
maybe he should contact the professor and
give him something new to contemplate.

YO MAMA IS PICTURED IN BLOGVILLE

Just FYI, yo mama is now an internet celebrity.
Please to go to the following site:

http://dharding.blogspot.com

and U will C me. First photo is cousin Condi,
2nd photo is some mitey pretty sunsets, and
then 3rd view down is Yo Mama! wish I knew
how 2 make that http: line up there turn blue.
N E body know?

Yo Mama Has Taken to Her Bed

Yo Mama is in a state of de-lear-ium over the cousins that Cat Crap has dug up out of her litter box. There be a fine line betwixt and between genius and insanity and this Professor fits the later categorical grouping. Here he was, a dis-tinguished brain at Univ. Colo. in Boulder, home of our other cousins, and he be spouting all this garbage out.

Then I calm down from that and scroll on down the page and LORD HELP ME, Cat Crap is
on the blog. It wus bad nough when I got that anonymous mail showing Fatty asitting
on the steps of the college important building with a dog bigger than she wus, dog named Blue. A find dog too. But the shock of seeing my baby being publicly exposed without her mama signing off 2 do so was jest too much. And NOW, Cat Crap weren't in Sweetwater Tx where she sed she wus, she was out in the public "Stealing Spotlight: Priceless" promoting a sperm bank for men. What in God's name would the
G-woman think of that one! Iffin you don't believe me just scroll on down the page
of Professor Churchill and you will see Cat Crap, right in the center of the dem-on-stration holding a homemade sign.

So then I get to thinking about how Tedward is gonna come and get my girls and I just had to take to my bed. Then I got to thinking about how all this be going on in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love, and I'm fraid the brothers must be loving on each other a lot to want a sperm bank. And then I get to thinking about the gene pool in our one-of-a-kind family and I get real skared. Jes think, we got them folks living in Boulder thats all so smart and ed-u-kated and some of that University stuff mite have rubbed off on them when they went home for Thanksgiving. And then we got that smart one in north TX who was a philosophy majer and likes to play the grand pinano, jes like Professor Ward Churchill.

Yep, I jes feel like the s--- has hit the fan and not dis-trib-u-ted even. Whatever
shall we do about this. Shall we contact cousin Cheryl and start helping her knit hats for these unbalanced souls? Or maybe we jes otta all get free credit reports at www.freecreditreport.com. Wunder whose putting stuff in that sperm bank anyway, suppose its brainy people or some them folks got nothing upstairs?

I will be standing by awaiting answers to sum of my many concernts brought about by Fatty and her fingers doing the walking last night. Wunder who was doing the thinking for all that stuff?

Lord Help Me, Yo Mama

Toe Fun-jus

There's a lady that works at our local grocer-a-torium who wears flip-flops and knee highs to work almost every day. She doesn't care what the weather is, rain or cold or blazin' hot, there she is in her knee highs and slip-slops. And every time I see her I have to bite my tongue, because I really just want to ask her, O Queen of the Camel Toe, "Doesn't that make some sort of fungus grow?"

How's yer eyes, Mama?

Where's a rap, Cat Crap?

Bumpus Done Named the Pup

And the wee-ner is...

Admiral Lord Nelson

Or as my younger offspring suggested, "I think we should just call him the Wooly Bully."

Damn skippy.

Fatty Gone Visiting Again and Found Another SMART COUSIN!

I love, love, love going next door to see who's moved in. This time I found somebody who is dysfunctional too!

http://injusticedepartment.blogspot.com/

He says he is "the product of a dysfunctional society." We are a family, which Mrs. Clinton says is like a village which is like a society, and we are dysFUNctional, so he might understand us! On the flip side, he writes about all those political things that make my brain hurt, like debating liberals and Tedward Kennedy coming for our daughters. I am so GLAD that we have smart cousins, so that I know our family didn't get cheated out of the gene pool!

Do you think that this cousin will come find us and say hello? I'm still trying to understand how the locate us so quickly. Maybe we are frequent neighbors to the world.

Guess Everybody Be Busy Today

Guess everybody be busy 2-day worrying about yo mama and
her surgery of the week. Happy to report that I lived thru it but
not quite as easily as last week. He kept me a-wake this time and
I had to listen to him chattin with me. Whew !! Glad I got only 2
eyes that needed fixin'. My next project is bunion on right foot,
how longs the getting well time, NEbody recall? Send lots of get
well cards and letters, I be laid up another day or 2.

Love, Yo Mama

Meet Our Cross-Eyed Bear.Official Name TBD.

Change is a Cross-Eyed Bear

My dear grandmother, the G-woman, talks about the "Cross-Eyed Bear" that she has known in her life. Change is a cross-eyed bear, too. Sometimes you make careful plans and you have months or years to wait and prepare. Sometimes the god of b'hai-bahaha sneaks up on you while you're worshipping all peacefully at St. Mattress and just drops a big smacking surprise right in your lap.

This time, I think it was the latter.

Shell shocked.

Snot Swappin update

a little tidbit I found on a blog that I somehow felt
noteworthy amongst those of us who might be
contemplating reproduction again .... may I have
some kleenexes monogramed for H and J so we can
tell whose is whose? seems to me to be the only
roadblock in "the program". Yo Lovin Mama


A reason not to procreate again

During the long runny-nosed months of winter, I always keep a tissue for Evan in my left pocket and a tissue for Julia in my right pocket. I re-use them as needed throughout the day until they get too gross, at which point I replace them for clean ones and start the process over again (and again and again and again... I'm so done with this winter thing). It occured to me today that I can't imagine where I'd stash a third tissue, and two in one pocket would result in some pretty nasty snot-swapping. If I was looking for a sign that I shouldn't have any more kids, I think I just found it -- right here in my pocket.

The First Two Are Concerned

The first two know that something is up. They are worried because they know that a great change is coming in their lives.

How do you make a dog puke?

My beloved and I went to the leather chair store, half way
to Naples, to pick up the new Aggie maroon chair for the
trailer on the water.. Got there and left The Dog in the car
with a tote bag that had "Peppermint Patty" candy item in it.
Came back 10 minutes later and the candy and silver wrap
paper were all gone. Dogs smacking lips like no tomorrow,
good pepper-mint breath, for a change. Dogs can't eat
chocolate, dogs can't eat silver wrap paper. Dog did.
Watching dog carefully.

Dog next door is a boxer, 'bout 4 months old. Dog went
into daughter-of-house's room and ate 2 pair underpanties.
Didn't even take time to chew 'em up. Dog puked up 2
pair unchewed underpanties. Don't know what daughter
did with them panties but darn sure bet she washed 'em.

Wouldn't know what 2 do if life was more excitin' tuday.

Found some more neighbors

If ya really want to be in the knowledge, check out the new
neighbor I located by accident. Wadn't watchin my fingers
doin' the walkin and I chanced upon somethin wild and
in-ter-esting. See what ya think.

www.glogspot.com

Be sure to note with interest you can change categories.

Knittin Knews

Just a little timely info for all you knitters, you got comp-e-tition
on the eastern coast of the great USA 'cause if you choose to take
a leisurely ride down the beach road known as A1A, right there in
downtown swimsuitville U Will See men folks modeling those new
fangled, hand-knitted-in-silk-in-color-of-your-choice items. The
most eye-catching-color is skin-color-nude cause you have to give
it a double look-at to see if U R seeing the Real Thing or just a
cover up job. I will be glad to be personal shopper for you and all
your neighbors, just pay the postage and no fee charged.

For all you who called about my bleu-eye, it is still so this a.m.

Happy Groundhog Day and John Jr. b'day.

yo mama

Fatty's Got a Gripe--WOMEN OF THE WORLD: SIT DOWN!

So today, even though I checked real good before sitting my bare butt down on that public toilet seat, I must have missed that one spot of pee and I got an awful cold and creepy surprise in the bathroom at the special school where I work. And this got me to thinking: who the hell started this whole mess by telling the daughters of the world that they should stand and aim instead of just sitting down on the damn toilet?

Let's think about this logically. If you PUT YOUR BUTT ON THE SEAT, then there is no way that you are going to pee on the seat. If you leave the seat clean and dry (this is assuming that you don't have any poop or other foreign matter smeared on the side of your buttcheek), then it will be ready to go when the next woman comes in and she will carry on the more san-ee-terry tradition that you just started by sitting her own butt down on the toilet. Then that woman will be so happy and RELIEVED that she did not sit down in a spot of cold pee that she will call her daughter and make the lady in the ellie-men-tree school front office get her out of third grade math class and she will get her daughter on the phone and shout like it's an overseas call only really she's just happy and she will say, "HONEY! FORGET WHAT I TOLD YOU EARLIER AND JUST SIT YOU BUTT RIGHT ON THAT TOILET SEAT!" And then that girl will go back to class and when it's time for recess and the teacher makes the whole class take a potty break first, well then that brave and smart third-grade little girl will take on a LEADERSHIP ROLE cause if she's like me she's 10 and she's repeating the third grade to improve her reading skills and she will gather all those skinny little buck-toothed 8 and 9 year old little third grade girls tightly around her in a little girly huddle and she will pro-claim right there in the ellie-men-tree school bathroom: MY MAMA SAID I SHOULD SIT MY BUTT RIGHT ON THAT SEAT, YES SHE DID. And then those scrawny little girls will ooooh and ahhh at how brave this natural born leader is and they will put their butts on the seats and then the second and first graders will see them and will de-fi everything their Mamas ever taught them about public san-ee-tay-shun and they will PUT THEIR BUTTS ON THE SEATS, too. And we will have started a rev-o-lou-shun, a rev-o-lou-shun of public toilet seats WITHOUT COLD PEE ON THEM and we will be safe and we will know that we can just sit our butts right on those seats!

Of course, then some smart ass has to tell me that in some parts of the world the toilets are just holes in the ground that women squat over. Well fine, then, I am hear-by starting a CHARITABLE cam-pane, with 100% of all donations going to make poster signs. We will put full-color posters at all the border crossings and at the air ports and at the bus stations and at every passport check-in station and before any foreign women can enter this fine country of the free and the brave and Captain Kirk, they will have to SIGN AN AFFEE-DAVID SAYING THAT THEY WILL PUT THEIR BUTTS ON AMERICAN POTTIES. And then the rev-o-lou-shun will spread and a smart person in one of those foreign countries will invent a hole-in-the-ground-to-proper-seat-for-your-butt adjuster device and that person will get RICH and will employ only recovering squatter women and that inventer will start a special fund to buy adjuster devices for the poor women of the world and as a result democracy and peace will spread all the way to ALASKA! And when I go on a cruise up there, I will be able to sit down and pee without being shocked and creeped out by someone else's ice cold tinkle drops on the seat.

B'hai b'hai, all in praise of St. Mattress say "God Bless you, SIT DOWN, and amen."

DO WHAT?!? I ain't so smart after all...

Got more hankerings to visit the neighbors. Here's who I found this time:

http://emergination.blogspot.com/

When I read that outloud, Bumpus thought it was a porn site. I thought it was something about that Rescue 9-1-1 show with Captain Kirk. But really it's all about "Thoughts on the Victories and Set-Backs of the Principled Progressive Movement." I had to copy that from the top of the site's page, and I don't think I have any clue what it means.

The blog is written by a guy named John Ashcraft. Isn't he a-turn-key general or something like that? He looks smart, like he might belong to Mensa. Bumpus's cousin belongs to that, just like my three cousins are all called "Doctor." I need to study in-hairy-tance and see if I should be giving my kids some extra brain vitamins or something.

Yo Blue Eyed Mama

I be writing with blue now cause yo mama now got one blue eye and one brown eye. What are we going to do about this !!!
Imagine my surprise when I got home from the hospital place and took the patch off to put in eye drops - my new eye done turnt blue. Surely be hopin the other eye gets the same color treatment ! Eye seems to be dark blue, like new born babe, but it is definitely not brown!

Y.M. aka B.M.

Cats Are On My Shit List

Ok, for the second day in a row my son has awoken to find that ONE of my precious furry hairballs has peed all over his bed while he was sleeping. Either we are having some sort of delayed protest to the robo-butt box, or there is some other trauma in my home that I am not aware of!!!! SO, I have decided to temporarily go back to the manual butt box in hopes that my child will not have to live in a litter box himself. THEREFORE, I found myself outside this morning in the 32 degree weather cleaning out the OLD litter box which had been on my back porch for the past two weeks, and which was filled with about a foot of water with floating cat poop and soggy litter (it has rained several times lately). While the snowflakes were swirling around my head I got the large shovel out the garage and starting slinging wet cat litter/poop around my yard. I'm sure the lady next door thought that I had finally cracked (maybe I have). The old litter box is now clean enough to eat out of and is sitting inside drying out so that I can fill it up with fresh litter. My day has started off with a bang - what could possibly be next?????