Not to Be Outdone:Rufus Makes a Comment to the Preacher

Last night we had our cub scout pack meeting, which is just a sinnie-nim for "lock a bunch of hyperactive boys wearing blue and khaki shirts in a building together for an hour so they can scream and run in circles." Cub Scouts is one of the few ways that I force myself to be social and involved beyond the sacred borders of my property, and I am always so relieved to return home to my pajama pants and beer steins of box wine.

God bless his soul, the Methodist pastor agreed to come talk to the hoodlums about faith. I'm not easily impressed with ministers/preachers/shepherds/reverends/pulpit-bullies because too many of them talk with a funny preacher accent and seem all too pleased just to hear themselves talk. Call me a Gen X skeptic, but I just don't have the braincells or attention span to spare. But this pastor is different. He doesn't have that accent, and he doesn't act like he has all the answers, and he doesn't threaten that we're going to hell for mowing the lawn on a gorgeous Sunday morning. He is just good. So he talked to the boys for about 10 minutes about faith and love and God's gifts. The point was that God has given humans faith (or the ability to have faith) as a gift. Then he asks, "So what are some examples of gifts that God has given us?"

Cub Scout #1: "Eyes. God gave us eyes to see."

Unsuspecting Pastor: "Yes, excellent."

CS #2: "Knowledge. He gave us the power to think."

UP: "And a great gift that is!"

CS #3: "Our parents. He gave us parents who love us and give us everything we want."

UP: "Well, yes, that is definitely a gift. Who else? Who has another example of a gift God gave us?"

Rufus: "Hell and the devil!"

UP looks confused.

Rufus: "Well, God kicked that bad angel out of heaven, so then he became the devil and made hell. God made it happen, which makes hell and the devil a gift, right? But I'm not supposed to talk about hell because that's a bad word."

(Cricket chirping noises begin here.)