Chapter 7: And the Democrats Rejected MeBecause I Carried Out the Death Penalty

The Dearly Departed
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

So Fred the Wonderfish, the Flying Miracle of East Texus, lived and lived and lived. He survived his bout of fishjerky-ness and went on to claim his celebrated survivor status in tank #2. He told stories of his freedom, of the nightmare encounter with the huge harry and whiskered jaws of hell, and of his glorious restoration. I was picking up the phone to call the vatican to inquire regarding sainthood, when I saw it happen: one of the two nasty albino catfish, both of which had reputations for being bottomless pits, tried to take a nibble out of our wonderboy.

I pondered this.

Then I went and got the net, marched in to Boudreaux's room--Boudreaux was the one who picked out the catfish when this whole fish tank adventure started--received official permission, and the promptly caught and flushed both of them. I was the jury, judge, and executioner. Mess with Our Fred? DEATH PENALTY FOR YOU BUSTER. No "three strikes and you're out" candyass plea copping around here. One bite and you are on the fast track to the treatment plant.

Actually, both of the little buggers swam down the u-bend before I could flush. They could smell the unliminted supply of sewage and are probably well on their way to being the Loch Ness monsters of mythic proportions spotted occasionally in the treatment pond.