Rufus: "Mom, next time you go to the grocery, could you get me something?"
Fatty: "Maybe...what is it?"
Rufus: "I need some Ambien CR. You know, the pill with the two layers? Cause the first layer helps you get to sleep quickly, and the second layer helps you stay asleep longer."
Monday, April 28, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Where You Can Find Me
The Deed is done and the papers are signed. I am packing my bag and heading back to nature where I can sit on the porch with my Corona and watch the ducks - far (but not that far) from the dregs of humanity and the sounds of 21 obnoxious 5th graders. The lot next door is for sale if anyone is interested in joining me........
Mark the Day: Two-Word Combinations
We had a milestone day in the land of short people: Magoo started using her first two-word phrases today. This afternoon, I heard her saying (all on her own, not repeating after anyone), "Home Na-na! Home Na-na!" This translates as "go to your cage, you smelly chuckroast of a dog." Then, this evening she said "No. Stop it! No. Stop it!" This, of course, was said to me as I tried to get her ready for bed.
I know plenty of two-word phrases myself and would write them here, but Yo Mama might get mad at me.
Magoo also sings the beginnings of Deep Purple's song "Smoke on the Water." Thank you, Rufus.
I will be so proud in three days, when I can't remember when she started talking in two-word phrases, and I can look on the blog and have an official record!
I know plenty of two-word phrases myself and would write them here, but Yo Mama might get mad at me.
Magoo also sings the beginnings of Deep Purple's song "Smoke on the Water." Thank you, Rufus.
I will be so proud in three days, when I can't remember when she started talking in two-word phrases, and I can look on the blog and have an official record!
Sunday, April 06, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Three Interesting Things about Fatty...
...like anyone really cares? Mainly, I just have to record this stuff so when I am 90, living with all my cats, visiting Bumpus at the room next door, and replacing his Viagra with sugar pills, I will remember what it was like to be approaching 40 and getting dumber by the day.
#1: Yesterday, I Was a Sucker
I was picking Rufus at his lessons del Espanol, when another mother walked up behind me and said, "just be still for a minute." I was pretty sure that it wasn't a hold up, and when I looked over my shoulder, she was approaching me carefully with a kleenex. Snot? Vomit? Her demeanor told me it might be a huge, blood sucking stink bug, so I froze in place. What was all the drama about? I had a half-eaten grape Dum-Dum lollipop stuck to my back.
#2: I'm OCD about the Public Bathroom
I've worked most of the last 15 years in the same building, and when I go to pee, I *always* go in the exact same stall. There are about 12 to choose from, and I pick the same one 100% of the time. It's like a tradition, a habit, a pee-at-work ritual, a first step on the road to needing therapy beyond talking to myself on this blog. Thankfully, the bathroom is used seldom enough so I don't ever arrive to find someone else in my spot. Yes, I only go pee at work. Pooping at work is a whole other issue.
#3: Yes, They are Pink, Flowered, and of the "Granny" Variety
I just got back from peeing in my appointed stall, a trip during which I envisioned, planned, and drafted this entire post (see what a good multi-tasker I am?), and after washing my hands, I looked in the huge mirror. And what did I see? That clearly visible, above the top of my pants and through the solid white cotton shirt I'm wearing are my pink, flowered granny pannies, for all the world to see. As Yo Mama taught me...at least I am wearing panties.
#1: Yesterday, I Was a Sucker
I was picking Rufus at his lessons del Espanol, when another mother walked up behind me and said, "just be still for a minute." I was pretty sure that it wasn't a hold up, and when I looked over my shoulder, she was approaching me carefully with a kleenex. Snot? Vomit? Her demeanor told me it might be a huge, blood sucking stink bug, so I froze in place. What was all the drama about? I had a half-eaten grape Dum-Dum lollipop stuck to my back.
#2: I'm OCD about the Public Bathroom
I've worked most of the last 15 years in the same building, and when I go to pee, I *always* go in the exact same stall. There are about 12 to choose from, and I pick the same one 100% of the time. It's like a tradition, a habit, a pee-at-work ritual, a first step on the road to needing therapy beyond talking to myself on this blog. Thankfully, the bathroom is used seldom enough so I don't ever arrive to find someone else in my spot. Yes, I only go pee at work. Pooping at work is a whole other issue.
#3: Yes, They are Pink, Flowered, and of the "Granny" Variety
I just got back from peeing in my appointed stall, a trip during which I envisioned, planned, and drafted this entire post (see what a good multi-tasker I am?), and after washing my hands, I looked in the huge mirror. And what did I see? That clearly visible, above the top of my pants and through the solid white cotton shirt I'm wearing are my pink, flowered granny pannies, for all the world to see. As Yo Mama taught me...at least I am wearing panties.
Where Are the Poop Pics?
I surely have the sense of humor of a 14 year-old boy, but I am just not so sure about posting poop pictures on the web. Here are the facts (and I could back these up with photo evidence if I had to):
- Yes, the sweet little baby girl did the deed!
- Yes, the big brother took lots of close up photos, as well as one of Goozie standing next to the potty looking rather troubled at the whole situation.
- It was huge.
Like to compare, it would be like me pooping the Sunday edition of the New York Times, including all the Wal-Mart and Target ads. - It was shaped like a capital letter "F."
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Breaking Crapper News:
SHE DID IT!
Magoo sitted herself on the pot and gave it what for...full production: #1 and #2!
YEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAA!
I was at work when this happened, and my most wonderful adventurous Mom-in-Law just called to tell me. MIL got the full benefit of this first poopin-in-the-pot experience. She says that she took pictures...more to come!
It's another great day in crapper land!
YEEEEEEEE-HAAAAAAAA!
I was at work when this happened, and my most wonderful adventurous Mom-in-Law just called to tell me. MIL got the full benefit of this first poopin-in-the-pot experience. She says that she took pictures...more to come!
It's another great day in crapper land!
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