Technotard:
Someone who is not "all there" when it comes to using technology, including those who still cannot program the VCR clock...
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
There's a Chicken in the Bat Cave, Part II
Bumpus and I were on a lunch date a while back. Walking out of the restaurant, we ran into a very smart and sweet lady I used to work with as well as her husband. We all said hello, I introduced Bumpus, she introduced her husband (Joe), and all that good stuff. The husband was very friendly and full of smiles. As we walked away, I said to Bumpus...
"Joe was so nice! He smiled at me in the happiest way."
Bumpus: "That's because you have a huge booger hanging in your nose."
"Joe was so nice! He smiled at me in the happiest way."
Bumpus: "That's because you have a huge booger hanging in your nose."
Like Two Gallon-Sized Ziplocks Full o Pee in Yer Pants
Thinking in terms of proportion is an interesting thing to do, when I'm not elbow deep in brain surgery or playing a rocket scientist on TV. As the wee ones eat their dinners, especially as Boudreaux consumes literally a one-pound package of spaghetti noodles on his own and then asks for more, I like to ponder the amount that they eat/drink in relation to their body sizes. For example, Boudreaux's previously mentioned escapades would equal me eating about two and a half pounds of noodles in one sitting and then asking for more. Who could do that? Well, these people could, but that is beside the point.
Later, I was watching Goozie guzzle, only pausing to take quick breaths, eight ounces of juice in about two minutes. I got out my trusty number-puncher-inner-thinger and cal-cer-lated that about 7.5 Goozies equals a me. Don't ask. That's not po-lite. Therefore, in order to keep up proportionately, I would have to guzzle 60 ounces of a beverage in about two minutes.
At first that sounded like a lot, but then upon further reflection, I had fuzzy recollections that, as Bumpus and Fatty Jr. can testify, I have indeed been successful at such guzzling a few times in past.
A Major Milestone
Announcement: Goozie now has enough hair to blow in the wind!
Next Stop: The Breck Girl.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Our Back Yard at 10 PM Last Night
Original Plan: Three days of camping, the Church of the Great Outdoors.
Reality: Three days of stomach flu, SNOW, and St. Mattress.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Rufus Learns a Valuable Skill: Crawdaddin'
Lord I love me a big ol' juicy cheeseburger that drips all down yer arms and up yer shirt sleeves. The small family of five went out for Slab O' Beef on Good Friday tonight, and as I was shoveling that cheeseburger into my yapper, Rufus informs me...
R: "You have got a HUGE mouth."
F: "Excuse me?"
R: "Ummm....I said you've got a big mouth."
Fatty just looks at Rufus, cheeseburger juice creeping up her sleeve...
R: "Ummm...What I mean is that your mouth is a lot bigger than mine...because...you are an adult...and...just because you are bigger than me...your mouth would be bigger, too...because you are thirty-six years old...of course, you don't look a day over nineteen...which makes you a serious hotty."
Bumpus to Rufus: "Nice work with the crawdaddin' son."
R: "You have got a HUGE mouth."
F: "Excuse me?"
R: "Ummm....I said you've got a big mouth."
Fatty just looks at Rufus, cheeseburger juice creeping up her sleeve...
R: "Ummm...What I mean is that your mouth is a lot bigger than mine...because...you are an adult...and...just because you are bigger than me...your mouth would be bigger, too...because you are thirty-six years old...of course, you don't look a day over nineteen...which makes you a serious hotty."
Bumpus to Rufus: "Nice work with the crawdaddin' son."
Wisdom of Rufus #406
Rufus: "I want that new video game I just saw on TV."
Fatty: "You have no money."
R: "Oh, that's all about to change in a big way."
F: "Oh yea?"
R: "Yep, two days and the Bunny rides."
F: "The Easter Bunny brings money?"
R: "That's what I'm hopin'. Maybe five bucks."
F: "But that's still not enough for a video game."
R: "Still gotta plan."
F: "Oh yea?"
R: "I'm yankin' out some more teeth."
Fatty: "You have no money."
R: "Oh, that's all about to change in a big way."
F: "Oh yea?"
R: "Yep, two days and the Bunny rides."
F: "The Easter Bunny brings money?"
R: "That's what I'm hopin'. Maybe five bucks."
F: "But that's still not enough for a video game."
R: "Still gotta plan."
F: "Oh yea?"
R: "I'm yankin' out some more teeth."
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Why I Will Have Nightmares Tonight
Still reeling at what a determined woman and a pair of sheers can do to a fluffernutter, Bumpus terrorized me by sharing these photos. This is Sam, the World's Ugliest Dog. Sadly, Sam died in November 2005 (click here for the story). YO MAMA: Would Lulu like a friend like this?Now Seamus doesn't feel quite so ashamed.
Serious nightmares of being stalked by angry, hairless wee beasties await me tonight...
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
You Would Have Done the Same Thing
I had five spastic children (not counting Miss Thing here) in my house making ice cream sundaes while their parents attended a meeting about the school and how to spend all my tax money. The Goozie was feeling left out, so like a Good-Sister-to-Aunt-Choc, I just took that big ol' can of frozen non-dairy whipped topping and made a six-inch pile o' fluff in the middle of Goozie's tray. She had a damn fine time. This also gave me a chance to cope with the chaos by sneaking behind the shed and doing some jell-o shots.
Two Peas in a Pod
Somebody in this photo is the BOSS and the other somebody is her dumbfounded, completely snookered servant...
Plotting to Take Over the World...
...one island at a time.
Yo Mama, the boys love the game. Now we need some Bahama money to play it with...and maybe some coconut rum?
She Got Her Mama's Thighs
I think back to the Christmas card photo of the three of us...the one where my saggy diaper is hanging out and I have about 17 fat rolls both above AND below my knees?!? Who has fat rolls below their knees? Might have been those baby bottles full of pureed chili, beans, and rice...
Photo for Yo Mama
She is all dressed up for her visit to the G-woman. We had a loverly tea party, including sandwiches, ginger cookies, and tiny little cups of ice cream. Check out the stylin' sandals...
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