We B Livin in a Dark Cave

Like the world ended cept us
Originally uploaded by Annie Kaint Work No Mo.

Wunder what the everbody else is adoin.
Suppose there still be cars and movies
and things like grocerie stores. This been goin on all week now, awaiting that hurry-cane to git off my Cancun and Isla Mujeres and leave 'em B. Fraid they mite never B the same. In the meantime the Captain and Yo Mama been jes sittin here a-sneezing and blowing with airplane illness and the tv B agoin saying nuthin but board up, buy gas, git water. I done all that. Now what do they want us 2 do. Mitey tired of sitting here. Dog is too.

Any ideas for Yo Mama? (no smarty answers allowed)

Kaint See Nuthin

Wunder what time it is
Originally uploaded by Annie Kaint Work No Mo.

Looks the same out the back door as the front one - all U kan C is tin that outta B on a roof sumwhere. I think we getting all grey in the skin 2. Wunder what the rest of the world B doin while we doing this.

Yo Mama jes lost all ambition cept eating, wanna kum on over?

SO ROUND, SO FIRM, SO FULLY PACKED

I WUZ THERE & SAW IT BORN
Originally uploaded by Annie Kaint Work No Mo.

I wuz jes a standin there and lo and beholdt here cummed a lil pooper outta thet new fangled machine that cat crap dun bought on Ebay. Whatta miracle of life it wuz. We jes stood there in awe of what had transpired. Iffin you wanna see this miracle of birth 2, all U gotta do is get ur act together and acquire one-a these miracle machines.

UR Mama is atellin it like it wuz

LO THERE WUZ A RAW TAMALE AMONG US

Most Perfect Tamale 4 YOU
Originally uploaded by Annie Kaint Work No Mo.

U Tamale Lovers jes gotta admire the work of art shown in this photo op. It B jest about the most perfect tamale ever created. I jes wunder who got 2 eat this-un. We done made 84 them little miracles. Cudda made more but jes couldn't wait n-e longer to git 2 eatin. Iffin U need more information on this deal jes call or email cat crap and she'll lay it on U.

Yo Mama is so proud to have been there 4 the inaugural presentation, wished 4 you all 2 join us.

Here She Is!!!!!

Alley Reeser


Thanks to the discriminating policies of a certain airline, Mimi and Hal were unable to take home this little bundle of fur. Fortunately we have a very understanding and accomodating Daddy at our house and, after he made me slice open my finger and write "This is the last cat" on the wall in blood 100 times, we became the lucky family of this sweet little baby we have named "Alley" (as in Alley Cat since that is where we found her). She has been to see the vet and had her toes severed and her female organs yanked out and now she another happy feline in the Reeser home.

I AM WAITING ON PHOTOS OF THE CAT AND THE IN-OG-RALL TAMALE FEST.

Overheard at the 7:45 Warm Up Session

Good Game, You DOMPS
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

After a careful dribble and slammin' big kick, the ball Rufus kicked rolled right in between the goalie's feet and into the net. At which point, Rufus turned to the sideline full of parents, cupped his mouth for extra effect, spotted my smiling face, and screamed "MAMA! DID YOU SEE! I JUST KICKED IT RIGHT UNDER THE GOALIE'S PRIVATES!"

A House is Not a Home Without a Cat

Although most of us realize that this is the TRUTH, some in the family had yet to embrace a warm and fuzzy creature feline creature of their own. That is, until tonight when, while visiting us for dinner, they came to be acquainted with a small calico kitten that apparantly has been abandoned in the alley (with its three brothers/sisters). Last seen, these family members (who will remain unidentified for their own protection) were headed back to their little casita with litter box and baggie of food in hand to introduce "Sweety" (aka Eula Mae) to her sister "Lucy". We are all waiting with baited breath to see if Lucy will accept Sweety into the household and therefore allow her to share her flowered traveling pouch for the plane trip back to Florida.

Pictures to follow tomorrow.........

Seek and Ye Shall Find

http://www.heptune.com/farts.html

Reactions:

1. THANK GOD someone has finally starting answering all my questions on this topic.
2. Do people REALLY THINK that their butt cheeks flap together?
3. I am afraid to watch the video.
4. My favorite question was "Why is it that when you scratch your ass through two layers of clothing (your underwear and your jeans) your fingers still stink?"
5. My biggest fart question of all time, about the shower, has been answered
6. Someone DOES make charcoal panties! (But fartypants.com would not open on my computer.)
7. I am so relieved that another adult finds humor in the topic and has set out to educate people like me.

And Bahai said....."It is Done".......

Thank you all you Bahai followers out there for phoning in your advice with regards to the pressing matters at hand in this world. You may now start compiling your list of requested flavors.

The Tamale Queen

GIVE ME SOME OF DEM DER VITAMINS!!!

Lo and behold, the Kapitan (aka the PO) has arrived in Sweetwater with a BIG ole smile on his face and he just can't stop grinnin! He be a'talkin real slow and sweet and smilin all da while with not a hint of anxiety or impatience to be found! HE IS A NEW MAN!!! All I can say is - GIVE ME SOME OF DEM DER VITAMINS - I WANT TO BE A SMILIN' AND A GRINNIN' TOO!!!

4 & 5 Year Old Soccer League:Seven Rules for Trash Talk

Mind Me or ELSE
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

1. Trash talking is only between consenting adults.

2. Not sure if your target for trash will consent? Attempt at your own risk.

3. No trash talk from people under 15 years old.

4. Trash talking is allowed before the game, without restraint as long as rule #1 above is met.

5. No trash talking after the game, especially if your child's team beat my child's team.

6. All trash talking must cease if alcoholic beverages are in the vicinity, although inner dialogue trash talk (henceforth referred to as IDTT) may proceed without restraint if, during consumption of said beverages, I proceed to beat your ass at dominoes (including 42, Train, nickles, or greenie weenie).

7. Those who are predisposed to large amounts of trash talking may be better served by keeping that trash talking as an IDTT to herself, because long-term trash talking is likely to either void any unspoken contract made in the establishment of rule #1 OR may serve as perfect propellant for when karma turns around to bite herself in the ass.

And Lo, I Saw the Truth

COPYRIGHTED TO WARNER BROTHERS, FOR GOD'S SAKE!
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Today, I have had a revelation. I am Witch Hazel. Witch Hazel am I.

Looking in the mirror has always been a strange fee-nom-er-non for me. I never look like what I think I look like. Some days I am surprised that the old bag in the glass is doing okay, and sometimes I think "who the hell is that person"? This is not exactly an identity crisis, which I associate instead with a chronic case of indecision. No, I know exactly who I am and what I believe and if I could just get me and my boss on a plane to Japan, then I could get trashed on Socky and tell him all about it with lots of hand gestures.

No, I have just determined that if my spirit were to have a physical form for illustration, then this is what it would look like. And act like.

No, Mama, this is not to say that I think somehow I've inhereted the genes of a small-footed, facially follically challenged, bloomer wearing hag. In fact, I bet Witch Hazel makes some damn fine tamales!

Hey Sis-Ta......You'd better be a-hiden from those there CIA Agents you work with - Your past is a'catchin up with Ya

Hot Tamales and Pass the Mustard - Those back kicks you did on the coffee table done made it to Broadway!!!!!!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20050928/people_nm/arts_cash_dc

TOP TEN REASONS TO HAVE THAT THERE WIRE RE-INSERTED INTO YOUR FALL-O-PEE-ON TOOBS

1. You will have your own life back a hell of a lot sooner.
2. You don't have to go to middle school dances and watch the little darlings have sex with their clothes on.
3. You don't have to hire an attorney in order to battle your teenager.
4. The neighbors won't have to call the health department because your child leaves dirty kleenex ALL OVER THE HOUSE.
5. You won't have to chop up poop so that it fits down the toilet hole.
6. You no longer have to buy pop-tarts.
7. You will save a lot of money because you won't have to shovel out $50.00 for middle school annuals and $75.00 for school pictures ALL IN THE SAME WEEK.
8. You can finish a sentence without someone arguing with you.
9. You can cook something edible besides canned green beans and ramen noodles.

and....

10. cause maybe, must maybe, you can do something YOU WANT TO instead of loading and reloading the dishwasher every 5 minutes.

TO TAMALE OR NOT TO TAMALE, THAT IS THE QUESTION......

The pressure is on..........what do I do??????? Visions of chorizo and potato tamales float in my head, drowning my senses and overcoming my better judgement. ...... black bean tamales provoke promises of singed nose hairs from the terrific farts that would result from the 30-50 tamales per hour (not to mention that the re-load time on the tamale pooper is only 2 minutes) that the tamale pooper could emit......... I can't sleep, I can't eat (except for Blue Bell and chocolate chip cookies and soy chips and bean dip and of course Jagermeister), I can't concentrate.......if I flunk out of skool the last semester will the professors give me an "I" if I plead "tamale insanity"??????? I am afeered of leaving the ebay site so I am sittin here in my adult diapers waiting for the final bell to ring....... my only source of support is leaving the kuntry soon.....if I send some tamales with her would them boys in skirts want to buy them???????

HELP I NEED HELP I NEED HELP (OR AT LEAST ANOTHER BOTTLE OF JAGERMEISTER)!!!

BR549

WHERE O WHERE, Are you Cat Crap?
Why have you left the blog all a-lone?
I've sat here on m'fat ass
Waiting fer sumpthin' funny.
But you've gone a missin'
Are ya stuck on the throne?

That Giant Sucking Sound...

Chest
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

...is the airless vacuum between my ears after a long week of working at the special school. But that's okay, because those of us still imprinting important information on our brain cells are busy learning important strategies in life, like RESPECT THE QUEEN.

So Bumpus and Boudreaux have a little chess habit, usually on weekend afternoons. The problem is that Bumpus has to really try to win, and Boudreaux has, on more than one occasion, used a bait-and-switch tactic in order to beat the pants off of his father, who is left standing with a mixed look on his face, including pride, shock, and the kind of humility you get as dessert after being mentally spanked by a seven year old.

Of course, anything that the seven year old wants to do, the four year old wants to do to, so Boudreaux is teaching Rufus how to play the noble game. Which is the background to why Rufus announced in the car to me the other day, "Mama, there's nothing I love more than playing chest." He is his Daddy's boy.

Martha Done Gone to the Dogs....

If anybody out there in tv land tuned in to see Martha's new show yesterday, I am just a'wonderin WHAT IN THE WORLD HAS COME OVER MARTHA???? She be given all her staff ankle bracelets as a joke, she be thrown spaghetti noodles at the refrigerator, she be wearing a faux fur cooking apron and she be visiting people in their homes just like ole' Oprah just to do before she got so skinny and big-headed. She even be making conversations about how she learned how to play cards real good in that there prison in which she was in-car-ceer-ated. Martha has done had a personality makeover and she now tryin to be a comedian. Can't wait to tune in today and see all them audience members wearing ponchos like the one she knitted and then wore on her release day from the big house. What will she think of next?

I'm just Dazed and Confused 'bout all these people who keep a changin their personalities.

A Helpful Hint From Someone Who Learned the Hard Way!

Next time you cyber-bloggers decide you are going to clean out the ole' refrigerator while your husband is out of town eating lavish meals courtesy of the State of Texas, I recommend that you do NOT eat (at one sitting) that HUGE bowl of cauliflower and broccoli that you steamed several days ago and which has since been sitting in your frig fermenting. That is unless you first make a special trip to Wally World and buy the economy box of cherry flavored Gas-Ex and be prepared to eat the whole box over the course of a couple of hours (with not much effect). It certainly makes for a restless and noisy night.

Just a Word of Advice From Someone Who Knows