Mite B a Skool of Aggies

First thing U gotta do is
swim, swim, swim. Not
hard to no what di-rec-
shun kause there be others
2 guide you. Wunder which
one of the 272 is John?

Tour de Aggieland

Look here! Jes like them
folks over there in France.
Helmet and all, that John,
he nose how to do.

Winners Never Quit

I mean to tell U, when sereus
athletes git goin, there ain't no
stoppin 'em. Jes lookit our John
- he B skinny after trainin 4 the
big rase and it DID pay off!

A Tri-Ath-elon Hero

An here he is ! A wynner 4 sure. Jes lookit
that metal round his nek. Smilin Son is
mitey proud of his daddee ......... Yo Mama
is 2.

Yo Mama's Cathouse Girls

Goozie Update: The Grand Finale

Just a sampling of what has been going on in our house...

Wisdom of Rufus #524

On Thursday, Princess Fusslebutt Goozie Magoo started running a high fever, topping out at 104.9. Needless to say, we went to the doctor...all four of us: me, Goozie, Rufus, and Boudreaux. As the doctor was explaining the blood tests and chest x-rays that she was about to take of my 11-month old, lethargic, hottie-for-all-the-wrong-reasons girlchild, Rufus and Boudreaux sat in the corner playing their Gameboys.

Rufus to Boudreaux: "I'm experiencing short term memory loss."

(Conversation between R & B continues...)

Doctor to Fatty: "Did he just say 'short term memory loss'?"

F to D: "Yes, he did."

D to F: "How old is he?"

F: "Six."

Doctor to Rufus: "Do you and your brother play together a lot?"

Rufus to Doctor: "Yes, except when I get grossed out by his putrid breath."

Doctor to Fatty: "You've got quite a child there."

(Yes, we got past the major fever and are on the mend from the subsequent snot attack.)

Goozie Update, Part 5

5badhair, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

My very most favoritest bad hair day picture EVER.

Goozie Update, Part 4

I Call Yer Duece and Up You a Spencer, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Check out the stogie packin' peachy butt. Rufus is giving her lessons in Texas Hold Em.

Goozie Update, Part 3

MMMMMMMmmmm Nutella., originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Pie hole stuffed full of graham cracker topped with Nutella. She loved it so much that she stuffed a bunch up her nose to save for later.

Goozie Update, Part 2

5drawer, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Her be a very good help in the kitchen.

Goozie Update, Part 1

5oreo, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Showing me the leftovers of her first oreo cookie. She also screamed, "DAMN THAT WAS GOOD! WHAT THAT DOUBLE STUFF?" in her own special language.

Run, Bumpus, Run!

5triath, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

While some of us are sitting on our ever-expanding asses eating a boat load of Lemon Ice Box Pie ice cream, others are training for and completing sprint triathlons. I can't even SPELL "triathlon" without help, much less actually participate in one. Trying to be a helpful, supporting, and enthusiastic wife, I went to the organizers and offered to drive the beer cart...but THEY DIDN'T HAVE A BEER CART? Hello? What the hell kind of out door activity doesn't have a beer cart?!? Bumpus done good. I gained some of the 20 pounds he lost...

Teaching Yo Mama about Life

5mimi-life, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Someone got to learn all kinds of valuable lessons when she came to visit the land of Boudreaux and Rufus.

The Turtleshank Redemption, Attempt #1

5escape, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

After being overrun by thousands of baby snails, the harbinger of death tries to squeeze his body out of a hole in the top of the tank lid.

Caviar Anyone?

Pink Thing, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Ah, the mysteries of biology. We woke up one morning to find this little phallic masterpiece in the tank with the Ninja Turtle of Death.

Ripe for the Pickin'

Ripe for the Pickin', originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Yo Mama always enjoys a new-trish-ee-ous snack when she comes to visit.

You Promised, Miz Reezer ............

teacher ..............teacher................teacher
Originally uploaded by Annie Kaint Work No Mo.

When a teacher done duz a promise, she gotta cum threw. So Miz Reezer done followed threw and here she is! Pink hare and all. But the best news is that them kids ALL passet the reading test. Nuthin but the best 4 them kids 'n readin is at the top of yo mama's m=portant list. Go Miz Reezer Go!

Yo Mama has spoken

You called me a Hellion !

Jack taught me all I know
Originally uploaded by Annie Kaint Work No Mo.

Well, meybe I am. My buddy Jackie don taut me all he nose and I learnt a lot. I B redy to go campin now, soon as I git my finger biziness strait. Got my fist in po-sit-ion 'n I alredy thinkin up words to sey to finish this deal off. I may B famus some day but it won't B on Merican Idle, don't quite meet their regimental quali-fi-kations.

Someday He Will Be Famous

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kj3jJcy4tUk

Growin' Up East Texus: I Fail

Rufus to Fatty: I fail (pronounced fay-all).

F to R: You fail? What did you try to do?

R: No, I fail.

F to R: I hear you, but I don't understand what you couldn't do?

R: Mama! I fay-all down and bumped my knee!

I'm skeered.

Word for the Day: Technotard

Technotard:

Someone who is not "all there" when it comes to using technology, including those who still cannot program the VCR clock...

There's a Chicken in the Bat Cave, Part II

Bumpus and I were on a lunch date a while back. Walking out of the restaurant, we ran into a very smart and sweet lady I used to work with as well as her husband. We all said hello, I introduced Bumpus, she introduced her husband (Joe), and all that good stuff. The husband was very friendly and full of smiles. As we walked away, I said to Bumpus...

"Joe was so nice! He smiled at me in the happiest way."

Bumpus: "That's because you have a huge booger hanging in your nose."

Like Two Gallon-Sized Ziplocks Full o Pee in Yer Pants

Super Sog, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Thinking in terms of proportion is an interesting thing to do, when I'm not elbow deep in brain surgery or playing a rocket scientist on TV. As the wee ones eat their dinners, especially as Boudreaux consumes literally a one-pound package of spaghetti noodles on his own and then asks for more, I like to ponder the amount that they eat/drink in relation to their body sizes. For example, Boudreaux's previously mentioned escapades would equal me eating about two and a half pounds of noodles in one sitting and then asking for more. Who could do that? Well, these people could, but that is beside the point.

Later, I was watching Goozie guzzle, only pausing to take quick breaths, eight ounces of juice in about two minutes. I got out my trusty number-puncher-inner-thinger and cal-cer-lated that about 7.5 Goozies equals a me. Don't ask. That's not po-lite. Therefore, in order to keep up proportionately, I would have to guzzle 60 ounces of a beverage in about two minutes.

At first that sounded like a lot, but then upon further reflection, I had fuzzy recollections that, as Bumpus and Fatty Jr. can testify, I have indeed been successful at such guzzling a few times in past.

A Major Milestone

Teeth & Hair!, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Announcement: Goozie now has enough hair to blow in the wind!

Next Stop: The Breck Girl.

Easter Goozie

Easter Goozie 1, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Aunt Woolah: Your outfit made the perfect Easter dress.

Christmas or Easter?

Snow Bunnies, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Our Back Yard at 10 PM Last Night

Easter Snow in Texus, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Original Plan: Three days of camping, the Church of the Great Outdoors.

Reality: Three days of stomach flu, SNOW, and St. Mattress.

Rufus Learns a Valuable Skill: Crawdaddin'

Lord I love me a big ol' juicy cheeseburger that drips all down yer arms and up yer shirt sleeves. The small family of five went out for Slab O' Beef on Good Friday tonight, and as I was shoveling that cheeseburger into my yapper, Rufus informs me...

R: "You have got a HUGE mouth."

F: "Excuse me?"

R: "Ummm....I said you've got a big mouth."

Fatty just looks at Rufus, cheeseburger juice creeping up her sleeve...

R: "Ummm...What I mean is that your mouth is a lot bigger than mine...because...you are an adult...and...just because you are bigger than me...your mouth would be bigger, too...because you are thirty-six years old...of course, you don't look a day over nineteen...which makes you a serious hotty."

Bumpus to Rufus: "Nice work with the crawdaddin' son."

Wisdom of Rufus #406

Rufus: "I want that new video game I just saw on TV."

Fatty: "You have no money."

R: "Oh, that's all about to change in a big way."

F: "Oh yea?"

R: "Yep, two days and the Bunny rides."

F: "The Easter Bunny brings money?"

R: "That's what I'm hopin'. Maybe five bucks."

F: "But that's still not enough for a video game."

R: "Still gotta plan."

F: "Oh yea?"

R: "I'm yankin' out some more teeth."

Why I Will Have Nightmares Tonight

Still reeling at what a determined woman and a pair of sheers can do to a fluffernutter, Bumpus terrorized me by sharing these photos. This is Sam, the World's Ugliest Dog. Sadly, Sam died in November 2005 (click here for the story). YO MAMA: Would Lulu like a friend like this?

Now Seamus doesn't feel quite so ashamed.

Serious nightmares of being stalked by angry, hairless wee beasties await me tonight...

Bride of Sam, Compadre of Seamus

You Would Have Done the Same Thing

Facial Hair Out of Control?, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

I had five spastic children (not counting Miss Thing here) in my house making ice cream sundaes while their parents attended a meeting about the school and how to spend all my tax money. The Goozie was feeling left out, so like a Good-Sister-to-Aunt-Choc, I just took that big ol' can of frozen non-dairy whipped topping and made a six-inch pile o' fluff in the middle of Goozie's tray. She had a damn fine time. This also gave me a chance to cope with the chaos by sneaking behind the shed and doing some jell-o shots.

Two Peas in a Pod

Precious Sr. and Precious Jr., originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Somebody in this photo is the BOSS and the other somebody is her dumbfounded, completely snookered servant...

Plotting to Take Over the World...

Gamers, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

...one island at a time.

Yo Mama, the boys love the game. Now we need some Bahama money to play it with...and maybe some coconut rum?

She Got Her Mama's Thighs

Mama's Thighs, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

I think back to the Christmas card photo of the three of us...the one where my saggy diaper is hanging out and I have about 17 fat rolls both above AND below my knees?!? Who has fat rolls below their knees? Might have been those baby bottles full of pureed chili, beans, and rice...

Photo for Yo Mama

Stylin'!, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

She is all dressed up for her visit to the G-woman. We had a loverly tea party, including sandwiches, ginger cookies, and tiny little cups of ice cream. Check out the stylin' sandals...

Before...

The Measure of a Fluffernutter:
And This Was Before the Spring Shed Started,
originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

After...

You Think You're Shocked?
Just Imagine My Face When I Went to Pick Him Up from the Spa
Boudreaux's Comment: My Lord! He Looks Like the Pink Panther!,
originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

BEST KNOWN CURE FOR A SINUS HEADACHE

At least SOMEBODY around here loves me!!!!!!

Wisdom of Rufus #309

Pail Rider, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

The day before school shut down for its spring fumagation week, I was at THE DOLLAR STORE (where, according to Rufus, you go when you need to get some more dollars), and I bought a crossword puzzle book on the spur of the moment, one of those easy ones at the checkout stand. I had just watched this movie, Wordplay, and was thinking I would be smart enough to try a crossword, especially if I could peek at the answers in the back of the book. After buying the puzzle book, I went to the school to eat some dirt-sprinkled chili on the windy playground at Rufus' Cowboy Cookout Day. He left early with me, after the feast, and later, while we were waiting for Boudreaux-the-Studious-One to get out of school, Rufus found the crossword book. He opened it, grabbed a pencil, asked me how it worked, and immediately started trying to solve a puzzle. I though this was crazy. What kindergartener can do a crossword puzzle for adults? So I let him be. His mouth was shut.

The next day, we were all in the car and he gets out his book. He's completed about 1/3 of the puzzle. The following issues forth from the back seat:

"I thought the three-letter-word for uncooked was 'raw,' but that doesn't fit."

Fatty, who always takes the bait: "How many spaces do you have?"

R: "Three, but the first letter has to be 'W.'"

F: "Well, that word with a W might be wrong. What's the clue for that word?"

R: "'A female parent', five letters across...but I am 100% positive I have that one filled in right. I know what we call you: 'WOMAN.'"

Wisdom of Rufus #225

"Your breath is putrid."

What sort of 6 year old talks like this?

Word for the Day: Blatherskite

To whom does this refer? My lips are sealed.

Blatherskite

Wisdom of Rufus, the Middle Child #309

This one has a rather complicated set up...

As Opry and Dr. Fill and all them other smart peoples on the TV have told me he would, Rufus has become THE MIDDLE CHILD, the one who isn't the oldest and isn't the baby and is somehow lost in the middle. Thank goodness Rufus has a very loud voice, or else I might lose him in the piles of laundry and dirty dishes.

Both the baby and the eldest have had a stomach virus. The baby's was not as bad, but Boudreaux had to stay home from school for two days. His virus had then moved from north to south. Thinking that the barforama was over (it had been two days since the last upheaval, after all), we decided that a little Mexican food might be just the ticket to sooth our week-weary spirits.

While it seemed like a good idea at the time, Boudreaux's stomach later decided that we were not as bright as we thought we were, so about 9:45 PM last night--at the conclusion of a long day and a very long week, just as I had gotten everyone in bed and was turning off the lights so I could go to sleep--the cheese enchilada festival ended up spread across the bathroom floor.

In true form, Boudreaux just froze in place, not bothering to pick up the plastic garbage can 10 inches from his foot and make his deposit there. No, instead he sat in place and just started shrieking like his toenails were being pulled out while broadcasting...stuff...in unnaturally large amounts...everywhere. It was sort of like the Exorcist Goes TexMex.

This event happened, in actual measurement, about four feet from the sleeping baby, separated only by a thin wall. So, of course, the shrieks, besides scaring the bejesus out of me, also sent the baby into hysterics.

Fifteen minutes, three dustpans full of enchilada stew, one bath, 212 "quit shouting"s, and five minutes of soothing the screaming infant later, Boudreaux was back in bed, the girlchild was in my arms almost under control, and I was mentally giving myself permission to ingest a double-serving of cheap white wine as a reward. Thinking in amazement how Bumpus had slept through this episode and being thankful that 3 out of 5 of us were all escaping this virus, I tiptoed out the boys' room, patting the baby and making some sort of "shh shh, it's okay" mumblings. As I did...

"See Mama?" issued forth from the darkness.

"See what?" I asked Rufus.

"That's what I mean when I say I never get in any attention."

Quote of the Day

Bumpus to Fatty:
Let me wear that XL long sleeve shirt of yours when I go on a bike ride?

Fatty's immediate reply:
No. You will not be allowed to wanky up my shirt with your bunky funk.

I think my circuit board is malfractioning.

Wisdom of Rufus #213

Rufus to Fatty: "Did you know there's a country called TURKEY?!?"

Fatty to Rufus, thinking she will be clever: "I did. I wonder what they eat there?"

Rufus to Fatty: "Oh I know that."

Fatty to Rufus, taking the bait: "Well then? What do they eat?"

Rufus, the All Knowing: "English peas and Kentucky Fried Chicken."

Help Wanted: Family Seeks Live-In Orthodontist. Must Love Cats, Dogs, Turtles, Fish, Birds, Ear Mites, and Jooooo-vee-nile Fart Jokes.

Check out the Grill., originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

We have been having orthodontal issues at our house.

First: Bumpus went to the dentist for a cleaning and checkup. After inspecting Bumpus's mouth, the dentist inquired as to how long Bumpus had been living with half of his front tooth missing. Bumpus did not know his front tooth was missing. A little spackle and some insurance took care of that issue for a while...until we have to deal with veneers or crowns.

Second: Brain Cell, the inhaler of all things food and barbituate, is a dental-issue-en-per-pee-tooooooooo-eaty.

Third: Rufus's top two front teeth were loose and loose and loose and this went on for weeks and weeks and weeks of wiggling and worrying and my recommendation on what foods to eat to get those suckers to finally break free. This got to the awful point where the top two teeth were sticking out frontwards, at odd angles, out of Rufus's mouth, from the pressure of his tongue pushing against them. The whole thing makes my skin crawl: teeth and clipped finger/toenails, two things with which I cannot deal. Just thinking of it makes me want to have a rigor.

Finally! One of Rufus's teeth fell out. The fairy came as expected. Then, the other tooth shifted, as it no longer had to share space with the other front tooth. Like me in the bed on a Saturday morning, that other tooth just shimmied right on over to the middle of the space. This then went on for two days, until the second tooth at last fell out. The new tooth was already very visible underneath it.

So these things are supposed to happen in three's...I should be paid up for a while.

The Wotan Clan

Toe Follies, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

I can't just leave well enough alone. This was my contribution to Rufus's 100th Day Toe Jamboree photo collection. That's permanent marker, and it is still on my toes. Yes, Mama, I am bathing. If I could sing, then I would re-enact a little Wagnerian Valhalla, these two, of course, being Brunhilde Toe and Siegmund Toe. They are known for their dancing.

Check Out the Goozer

RUMBA PANTS!, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

We'd been sinnin' too much and decided to go to church, just in case...And besides, we needed a reason to dress the Goozie in her first ruffly tights and patent leather shoes. Yes, I know she is wearing white before Easter! We are very nuevo Euro psycho that way.

All we needed was a huge fluffy bow-bow on top of her head. She almost has enough hair to pin one in. Somehow Boudreaux is especially excited about this, which may be a worry all unto its own.

Fatty Has An Issue: The Martini Moms Debate

Earlier this week, some goofy news show did a segment on "Martini Moms." A new story about it is here. A few days later, the same GNS followed up about how they had gotten all these emails from people in support of or disagreeing with the whole have-a-little-special-sippy-in-yer-cup thing. I noticed that the people who disagreed tended to be plum smugglers! What business is it of theirs, whilst (<--fancy word Bumpus taught me, pronounced "whill-st" if you don't live in East Texus and "whail-stUH" if you do) they're off hanging out at Bodacious Tata Land or working until 9 PM every night or sittin' on the couch watching westerns with their hand in their britches? How many times did the smugglers get barfed on that day? How many two-year-old's poopy dipes did they change? These people who are so quick to judge better be careful because I might put on a wig and a Depends Undergarment and come after them.

My only issue is that I prefer to consider myself a MARGARITA MOM. Or a cheap-ass-box-o'-wine Mom.

I don't have my soap box, or I woulda gotten up on it.

Check Out the Pecks, Ladies:Wisdom of Rufus #1228

Super Ruf, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

No, we are not going in kron-o-lodge-cal order...we're going in the order that they spew forth from my brain. Now we're back in the end of December some time. As I just mentioned--rememeber to read the posts bottom to top!--Santa brought board games. One of these is Deal or No Deal, the card game (no more electronics are allowed in this house).

So one evening, the boys and I decide we need a little high stakes gambling fix and we decide to get it out. Unpacking the box for the first time, Rufus removed the plastic-y stuff, opened the silver case, carefully took the decks of cards and set them on the table, and proceeded to stand silently pondering the packing remnants that were still in the case.

R: "We can't play this game."

F: "Why not?"

R: "We can't play it. It's not all here."

F: "Well, I'm sure it's all here. What's the problem?"

R: "WHERE ARE THE WOMEN?"

F: "Women? Who needs women? You've got me. I'm a woman."

R: "No, it's just not the same."

Bottom's Up, Girlfriend!

Tipsy, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

I think she bears a startling resemblence to the St. Paulie's girl.

From Boudreaux, who is on the road to RU:

"Girls have boobs, and boys have titties!"

Thank you, third grade.

It's YOUR FAULT, AUNT HOLLY!

Oh, No No, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

We finally took that holy-cow-this-is-a-lot gift card to the Wally World and came home with a Leap Frog Musical Playground! And what did the girl child do when I sat her down in front of it? Why, she pulled herself up and started playing.

This was before she started crawling.

We're not quite cruising yet, but that could come any day.

Scrabbled and Our Next Wisdom Entry

One of my problems as a parent--and I am sure that the therapists will get an earful about this one day from both boys--is that I probably treat them too much like "grown ups." Once they get past the toddler phase, I am not good with talking down to kids. I guess that I live in fear of underestimating them, so I probably overestimate them sometimes, instead. When they are tired or have been patient for a reasonable amount of time and I still find myself getting impatient, I still try to remind myself that we aren't even to double digits yet.

This all brings me to one of our latest ventures, playing Scrabble. Rufus, Boudreaux, and I love to play board games together, a love I believe that I inhereted from Yo Mama and from the G-Woman. Santa brought us Upwords, Life, Deal or No Deal (more on that later), and Scrabble.

Does it matter that Rufus is only 6 and in kindergarten? Hell, no! Sit that boy down and learn him some Scrabblin'! First, we started with an easier version of the game and I would help him. Now, he can almost play according to all the strict rules, he keeps his own hand, plans his own words, and does the math for his own score. As he slapped down a five-letter word the other day and as I went to write down his score (something like 18 points), I had a moment of "Holy cow--this kid is only six!" So see? I do remember sometimes. No go mow the lawn and chop some wood, you short little ingrates!

Thus, this long rambling pre-amble serves to introduce the next...

Wisdom of Rufus #203

(While playing Scrabble...)

Rufus, pondering his hand before making a play: "It's a good thing I don't have an R."

Clueless Fatty: "Why?"

Rufus: "Because if I did, then I'd have DIARRHEA!"

Yes, he was spelling it foe-net-er-lee, because he didn't realize that he needed TWO R's to have diarrhea. Who knows how to spell that anyway? I had to use the spell check.

She Chews Us Up and Spits Us Out

Toofer's Comin'!, originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

First We Had Christmas, then We Had Wisdom...

The few days after Christmas or New Year or sometime in the past month...uh, six weeks...I hastily wrote these on a deposit slip, which has since been floating around in my purse. Minor miracle that it hasn't been used as a gum-thrower-awayer yet.

Wisdom of Rufus #102

"You've got to party down 'til the cows come home. Wait, we don't have any cows. That should be 'Party down 'til the soda runs dry'."

Boudreaux on the Road to Rice University #102

(In response to Rufus, who was pestering Boudreaux as Boudreaux had his face buried in a plate of good ol' steaming, greasy cheese enchiladas:)

"Don't bug me. I'm in my happy place."

It Occurs to Me...

...that the reason I cannot even remember my own name is that my five extra brain cells have all been occupied remembering all the stuff I want to write down here on the blog. Time for a purge.

Here She Goes

Yes, the time has come. Holy cow.

Calling All Foot Fetishers!

RufuToe
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Rufus has his 100th day kindergarten project due next week. The only guidelines are the you have to have 100 of an item, they have to be glued to a posterboard, and no obscenities allowed. DAMN IT!

Most nice childrens choose to glue things like 100 grains of rice or 100 pennies. What does our Rufus want to? Pictures of 100 toes. Well, we are about 50 toes short.

So I am putting out an open call to all you digital foot fetishers out there. Please email me a picture of your toes no later than Tuesday, January 23, to rasta.hazel@gmail.com. The winning entries, announced here next week, will take their place in the Rufus 100th Day Toe Jamboree.

Nothing nasty. This is a family affair.

This Speaks for Itself

Mean, mean Daddy.

The Unspoken Epidemic: Christmas Crack

Starting around October 24, when the Halloween parties start and the candy starts getting passed out, my children lose their minds. This lasts until after Valentine's day, when the last of the candy gets scarfed or thrown away, we all take a cleansing enema and a shot of tequila, and get back on track for the middle of the year. This October-February phase of each year is what I called the season of Christmas Crack.

Running around with no purpose, dancing in circles without music, contortions of the body that would give me a crick in my neck, and all sorts of behavior that make mothers and fathers want to get out the duct tape: these are all symptoms of the Christmas Crack disease.

One of my girl friends called me last week, and when she asked how we were, I replied, "Well, you know. The grownups are surviving, and the kids are fully overdosed on Christmas Crack." She did not think this was funny and actually sort of scolded me for not just recognizing that our precious little offspring are just full of the glory of God and the wild anticipation of our savior's birth, honey. I beg to differ. Only speaking for my own...my precious offspring are stoned on the sight of presents with their names on them and an endless stream of chocolates, cookies, and trips to see Santa.

Now, I have proof.

Below: Rufus exhibiting type-A Christmas Crack addiction behavior.

Dear Santa...

Santa Goozie
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Here is what Rufus's letter to Santa, which appeared in the local paper said:

"Dear Santa: I have been a good boy exept I got in a bar fite. You should have seen the other guy. I want a Star Scream Soopreme for Christmas. Thank you very much."

We Have To. It's Tradition.

Goozie Gone Skiing
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

What does a dysFUNctional family do when they have their first child? Head to the snow covered mountains and sub-zero temperatures. What about when the second child arrives and gets asthma? Pack up that nebulizer and head for the snow covered mountains! How about when the Queen Mother gets her eyes laser zapped so she can see? Ask the doctor, "Do you think high altitudes will affect the healing? Cause we're leaving for the mountains tomorrow." Make note of confused, concerned look, pack up and head for the mountains. So, of course, what else could we do on two-day's notice, but tell our bosses that we had "serious family issues to address," pack up, and head for the mountains?

The hoodlums stayed here, which meant that we got to spoil, spoil, spoil the Goozie girl.

Very fine escape.

And Lo, Her Opinion Was Known

Goozie has all kinds of ways of expressing herself. In this family, he or she who screams the loudest gets ignored but he who cannot stop talking gets called Rufus. So you've got to have a wide range of talents for making yourself heard. Goozie's first foray into the "I am woman hear me roar" involves our old standby, the raspberry. When she gets mad, she spits.

Behold...

Weekly Photo for YM: PRUNES!

Here today, here again tomorrow.
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Our newly ack-wired skill: impressionistic art in the finger painting medium.

Added bonus: lovely facial.

Second added bonus: prevents constern-I-pay-shun.

Have a Sucky Christmas!

Bumpus to Fatty: Why are you taking a photo of the vaccuum cleaner?
Fatty: Because I love it.
Originally uploaded by Fatty Will Rule the World!.

Happy holidays from Boudreaux, Goozie, Rufus, and MY BABY THE DYSON!