the dysFUNctional family blog

Important info for Jack and Hank

2009-02-25T07:21:00.000-06:00

Mimi saw this and thought of you and knew you would want to have this valuable information. Bad ideas are not good and the teacher and your parents and baby sister do not like bad ideas. Your parents do not either. So just follow the instructions and ALL your ideas will be good!

Rosemary Ramsey married

2009-02-20T17:21:00.001-06:00

Fun picture from Jimmy Ramsey. Kevin's oldest is a daughter, on the left

back row. His oldest son is right by the groom, the twins are Kevin look-alikes

for sure, standing in the kilts. It amazes me how much Jimmy's wife, Mary

Stewart, looks so much like Sally .... as does Rosemary. Sure would love to

see these folks one day, they are a bunch of fun. Y.M.

Fun pictures

2009-02-20T17:20:00.000-06:00

inside of the announcement......

One for the books...

2009-02-20T17:03:00.002-06:00

Yes, girls and boys, ladies and gentlemen, folks from far and near ........YES, this is The Kaptain a-working. He be sitting on Y.M.'s gardening stool washing something, I know not what. And when he tried to git up on that wet dock, frum a rolling gardening stool, with nothing to hold on to I shoulda grabbed the movie camera for a special Utube presentation. Thought I mite have to take supper out to him.

This is a Test of Ur Intelligents

2009-02-20T16:40:00.007-06:00

I been thinkin all day after the early morning event I had the pleasure of participating in an I jes wanna git sum more opinions.

1) Wood I rather git my oldest granddaughter off on a plane to go to an out-of state-college alone ........ or

2)Wood I rather git The Admiral off on a plane to go on an out-of-state, overnight trip (1 night) alone, without a checkbook but plenty of socks for cold weather, to look at a boat for sale in Houston.

3) Or meybe: Wood I rather send Hank, Jack and Hannah Grace on a bus alone to Disneyland with packed lunches and candy..........

4)Or meybe: Wood I rather git a job driving little chillens to pre-school in the next county.

NOW, jes sit down and relax with a nise glass of wine out of a box, or a cold beer, and deside the worst job of the lot and let me know what U be thinkin, 'cause Y.M. has a definite o-pinion.

I have been comatose and not moving about much since this a.m. and jest hoping tomorrow will be a better day until the big pick-up at the aeropuerto at 6:05 tomorrow.

Girls on the loose

2009-02-20T15:49:00.004-06:00

Sue sent this lovely view of Melissa and her buddies dressed up for the 9th grade dance. Melissa is second from the right end. Modern costumes are almost overwhelming. Apparently corkscrew curls are In Style. Was it Nancy in a school photo with curls long ago & far away? Seems like only yesterday ..... Y.M.

Diet Schmiet. Nutella Crepes Trump All Efforts at Longevity. Or Zipping My Jeans.

2009-02-07T00:30:00.004-06:00

Yo Mama: About 15 years ago you gave me a crepe maker, and I used it some. Now it has been re-enlisted after we visited a restaurant serving crepes in Santa Fe. You make a fresh crepe, and while it is hot smear about a tablespoon of Nutella in the middle. Fold it up, sprinkle with some powdered sugar (a very nice addition), sit back, and watch your children bow at your crepe-making feet. MMmmmmm. I may have to go make one right now at 12:37 AM.

Rock the Casba

2009-02-06T23:58:00.003-06:00

So I had a load of laundry--kids' clothes, mostly belonging to Magoo--in the washer and I move them to the dryer.
Turn the dryer on.
Go to do some other equally engaging chore.
Thirty seconds later hear what sounds like a dead cat in the dryer, banging as it gets flipped over and hits the bottom of the barrel.
Stop the dryer and hear a loud bang.
Dig in the dryer and find one rock.
Turn the dryer back on.
One barrel flip and hear it again.
Open dryer, remove second rock.
Turn it on a third time.
Another bang.
Another rock.
Number three.
Surely this is over by now.
Slam door.
Hit start.
Hear bang.
Open damned door.
Remove rock #4.
Slam door.
Start dryer.
Hear nothing.
All from Magoo's pockets.
Return rocks to Magoo, whose little hand is outstretched waiting...to put them in more pockets...so we can start again.
Walk to icebox for cheap wine.

Fatty's Food Issue: No Teeth Required

2009-02-06T23:51:00.003-06:00

My crow's feet are so deep that I figure I better jack up the heater, get me a remote with ginormous buttons, and start planning a diet that requires no teeth. Bumpus taught me how to make this, and damn, it is GOOD! Notice that eating it involves special procedures...

Take two of those huge shredded wheat and put them on a sheet of foil in your toaster oven.
Spread with 1 tablespoon of butter or margarine each (due to current and future dietary restrictions, we use Smart Balance Light).
Sprinkle each with about 1/4 tsp sugar.
Put under the broiler under the edges get brown but not burned.
Remove butter sugar fiber biscuits to a bowl.
Pour in enough milk so it comes about 1/2 way up into the biscuit.
Take your spoon and drizzle a little of the milk on top of each.
Let sit for 37.25 seconds.
Tip the bowl up and drink the milk.
Eat the biscuits.

Holy cow these are good.

Welcome to Rufuslovakia.Where Speeding, Stealing, and Murder Will Get You House Arrest. Thankfully, Getting Drunk is Still Legal.

2009-02-06T23:41:00.002-06:00

Rufus had a social studies project. He had to write an essay about a town of his own creation. It had to have a name, a natural resource, laws, consequences, and at least two stoplights. He worked on the project last night while I was making dinner. Bumpus had just come in from work...

Rufus: "Hey Mom, want to hear about my town?"

Fatty: "Sure! Tell me all about it."

R: "It's close to a river, so people can swim when it's hot outside. And it has natural resources...water, trees, fish, and a small amount of gold."

F: "Gold? Where did you strike gold?"

R: "Well, it was in the ground but then we dug it all up."

F: "Where is it now?"

R: "In your bank account so you can buy me more Ramen noodles."

F: "Very good. Go ahead."

R: "Well, my town has jobs, too."

F: "Okay."

R: "You can either work as a waiter at the hotel restaurant serving breakfast (is he picturing the free waffles they serve at HoJo?), you can work in a car shop, or you can be a university professor."

F: "I'd go with the car shop. It pays more."

R: "And my town has laws...there's no murdering, stealing, or speeding."

F: "Okay."

R: "I almost made a law against getting drunk, but then you couldn't live there."

Bumpus busts out laughing. Rufus immediately turns to him and replies, "What's so funny? You drink more than she does."

She Gonna Be A Hippie Like Her Mama

2009-02-06T23:25:00.003-06:00

Magoo Speaks Her Piece: #0000000000004

2009-01-27T12:44:00.002-06:00

Background, Part 1: Magoo's talking is getting better. It should be, because she talks constantly, as in giving Rufus a run for his money. All that practice should account for something. We're in that phase where some letters are pronounced just right yet. She replaces her "S" with an "F" sound...making a word like "Sure" sound like "Fure." And she replaces some of her "L"s with "Y": "Yook over there! Dog eating shit!" (No, Yo Mama, she is not replacing her Tr's with F's like another cousin did...)

Background, Part 2: Magoo, also like Rufus, has a "hog callin' voice." You can hear anything she says from a mile away, even when she is whispering.

At church on Sunday, we stopped to shake hands with the preacher. Magoo was loyally at my side.

Preacher: "So nice to see you!"

Fatty, trying to act upright and good and all: "Thank you--I enjoyed the sermon."

P: "Glad you learned something."

Magoo, loudly: "Oh yes! My Mommy know yots. She FART!"

(That was really "smart"...which, of course, is debatable for a whole other set of reasons.)

The Princess and the Duke

2009-01-24T18:19:00.004-06:00

Here we are - off to the long awaited Yucca celebration (aka hurray for the cactus). The Princess is one of the eight from whom the Yucca Queen will be chosen and the Duke is escorting the Duchess of Volleyball, one of the 532 Duchesses who are part of the Royal Court (Duchesses don't get to wear white fluffy gowns - they wear slinky colored dresses). I am just praying that the zipper on the back of our borrowed white fluffy dress doesn't burst from its seams before the event is over. The prior wearer of the dress was not nearly as well endowed as our little Princess.

Life certainly is exciting around here......

Magoo Speaks Her Piece: #0000000000003

2009-01-21T13:42:00.003-06:00

Magoo has a twin-sized bed. Last night, I crawled into it to read her a story:

Fatty, plunking down on the bed: "You ready for your story?"

Magoo: "Yes!"

Magoo then smooshes her tiny little body all the way up against the wall, leaving about 95% of the bed open and going to dire lengths like laying on her side, to make the most empty space.

F: "What are you doing?"

M: "Makin' room for your big booty."

Many Moons Ago Part 2

2009-01-17T22:46:00.001-06:00

Many Moons Ago

2009-01-17T22:42:00.000-06:00

Last Ones

2009-01-17T22:29:00.004-06:00

Rufus at the bottom of "The Face," a steep but smooth black (expert) that has the ski chalet at the bottom of...this means you have to be able to stop. Last year, he went down The Face and was going to fast to keep control. He fell on purpose, Bumpus ran over to him to see if he was okay, and Rufus was crying. Bumpus said, "Are you okay?" Rufus replied (sobbing), "I'm just crying because I'm happy that it's over." This year, Rufus skied The Face and did not fall down.

Whoop-De-Doo Haven is one of Boudreaux's favorite trails. It is easy (gentle hill) but has a long series of moguls--large bumps in the snow about two-feet or so high (you can see them in this photo) that make you jump up in the air. The only time I have ever stopped, removed my skis, and walked--and this is counting many, many days of me crying in frustration as I was learning to ski--was when I mistakenly went down this trail. I felt like Dolly Parton drunk on a trampoline.

DysFUNction at High Al-tee-toods

2009-01-17T21:26:00.003-06:00

Rufus can now ski the greens (easy) like a pro and is getting more comfortable on the blues (intermediate).

Boudreaux can now way out ski me on blues and is starting to work on blacks (expert). Bumpus may be a little nervous about keeping up...

Rufus Climbs the Walls

2009-01-17T21:19:00.004-06:00

Bumpus has a wonderful sister who lives in a gi-norm-us city, with tall buildings and cars (not just trucks) made after 1998. Aunt Woolah had Boudreaux over for the night and then took him to a wondermus museum exhibit. We drove up to get him on our way to the mountains. Of course, Bumpus cannot resist the chance to drive by an REI without stopping for some little fire-producing thing or some undershirt that costs more than my whole outfit but will keep you toasty warm in the Alaskan wilderness.

At the REI was a climbing wall, and of course Rufus couldn't really resist that. The wall was over 2-stories tall, and next to it was a staircase, which I ran up to get this photo.

CPD (Christmas Present Demo)

2009-01-17T21:15:00.003-06:00

Magoo is modeling her new fuzzy few-shuh cape, her golden handbag, and her Snow White plastic high heels, all xmas loot.

What do two boys buy at Walmart with $10 gift cards (thank you Carolina cousin!)? Rufus got video game supplies. Boudreaux got books and a bag of doughnuts.

I'm So Far Behind

2009-01-17T21:11:00.003-06:00

Where have the last four weeks gone? I guess I was in a Christmas Crack Coma. Or maybe I was washing dishes.

Magoo Speaks Her Piece: #0000000000002

2009-01-17T21:10:00.001-06:00

Fatty: "Where is the dog?"

Magoo: "Outside!"

F: "What is he doing?"

M: "Eating his shit."

One Happy Cowboy

2009-01-13T15:42:00.000-06:00

The Kaptain is now a Texas Ranger, or something. He really hit the bonanza this Christmas with flags, poles, candy, cookies, LaCocina shirt, and a real Texas Tony Lama belt. Just look at how proud he is. After wearing it to the Boat Show (where peeps asked what it wuz) he tole me it wuz a bit stiff so guessed it would have to be worn a good bit to soften it up. Y.M. got him good when I asked him if he wuz gonna hire sumbody to wear it til it got more flexible. I think he thought I wuz serious, fortunately he didn't do no hiring. Y.M.

Admiral don't care - he eats N E thing

2009-01-13T15:31:00.000-06:00

Y.M. got a bread maker for Christmas, very fine one too, 'n The Kaptain was very excited when yesteddy, things wuz kinda calm round here, and I embarked upon my first journey N 2 Chef-Land-Bread-Business. I Very Carefully measured and followed all di-rections 2 the fullest. We sat and waited for 3 hours 30 minutes and Here It Is !! The feller at the grocery who showed me where the dried milk was said he used to be a pastree cheffe. I conde-sendly gave him a big smile and looked him strait in the eyes and said I was a bread maker pastry chef. Said he used to make bowls and then they filled them with soup or salad. Wunder if that is what I shoulda done with this baby. But good, Yum Yum it wuz good. Just don't think I can sell my wares, even to my own familee. Any suggestions? Maybe the lst loaf is sorta a break-in-the-machine-exercise.?? Y.M.

All I Can Say Is It Tasted Good

2009-01-13T15:24:00.000-06:00

even had the paddle still in it! Woe is Y.M. !!

I Choose To Ignore This

2008-12-27T13:57:00.000-06:00

Lucy sends word that she is not a duck nor a shicken and that she does not recognize the language this thing speaks and that she will not participate in this post Christmas foolishness.
She will simply rise above it.
Lucy has spoken.
Happy New Year to All !

Excitement is building up.....

2008-12-18T15:52:00.001-06:00

Lucy is very excited over
Christmas and CERTAIN
that Santa will bring food,
she says she is starving.
Apparently she heard that
a cat had some spaghetti,
she loves spaghetti.
Christmas Photo 2008.

Call Minnie.

2008-12-17T22:21:00.001-06:00

Hey Mama, Where Does that Fant-sy Cookie Christmus Ice-in Come Frum?

2008-12-15T21:43:00.004-06:00

Mama answers with a picher, cause that's easier than 'splaining in words.

Music to Accompany Christmas Card 2008

2008-12-15T21:41:00.001-06:00

Christmas Card 2008

2008-12-15T21:38:00.002-06:00

Yo Mama ain't tellin a fib

2008-12-15T20:15:00.000-06:00

This scenario is about 2 blocks from Y.M. and The Kaptain and Lucy P. It is spec-taculer. The man has been doing this forever, each year he adds more. He starts decorating right after Halloween, takes about 6-7 weeks to get it all going, some of it is animated, like the alligator that moves its tail, the mailbox that opens & closes and Santa mail goes in and out. People come from far and wide to see this display and every year or so the papers do a write up. I forget how many generators he has and what his electric bill is. Must like doing it, guess he is what we'd call "into Christmas"!!

Full size train, of course

2008-12-15T20:11:00.000-06:00

makes me miss my electric train set, just wait til next year kids, Y.M. will be Deco-rated.

3 stories tall and climbing

2008-12-15T20:07:00.001-06:00

Can't tell from the photo, but the lights in the center tree and the one to the right go up a good 3 stories. He had bucket trucks that come, like the light company uses, to decorate the hard to reach stuff. What I can't imagine is HAVING TO TAKE ALL THIS DOWN WHEN THE HOLIDAYS ARE OVER. Any body that does this needs to be studied by a professional.

Hibiscus Christmas Tree??

2008-12-15T20:02:00.001-06:00

Who would have ever thought of using a Hibiscus tree for a Christmas tree. I guess just depends on where you live. This picture doesn't do the tree justice, it is about 9-10 feet tall, is a tree (not a bush) and is covered with live blooms and lights.

Front entrance to the home

2008-12-15T19:59:00.000-06:00

about 2-3 years ago he didn't do the decorations as they were doing a complete re-do on the house and drive AND building a separate storage building out back (large lot) to store all this stuff. The drive is now a circle drive and you can walk through the middle of all this stuff. This calls for a drink!

Manger scene, of course

2008-12-15T19:55:00.000-06:00

Nothing is left out .... more than you can image. I think maybe he makes some of the decoration but I also think he is probably lst in line for the after Christmas sales...........

Santa is the host

2008-12-15T19:52:00.000-06:00

This man leaves no stone unturned. I wish I had a camera good enough, wide angle lens enough, precise enough to really capture all this. Just wish you were here, the little kiddies too. It is a sight to behold. Merry Christmas.

This One Will Go on the Other Side of the Bumper...

2008-12-13T18:21:00.002-06:00

My New Bumper Sticker....

2008-12-13T18:18:00.001-06:00

Think it would draw a little attention in ole' Sweetwater???

Look Carefully......then vote

2008-12-12T18:18:00.000-06:00

Can you tell who is the imposter? You might ask the local family cat population who they think it is........ Y.M.

Seven year Anniversary

2008-12-11T08:22:00.006-06:00

Ever hear the song....
"7 yrs. with the wrong woman
is more than a man can stand.
7 yrs. with the wrong woman
will drive most N E man mad.
7 yrs. with the wrong woman
tis only 1 thing you can do..
Dig yourself a hole, and crawl in the hole and pull the ground over you".
Hal don't like my song.
Went to St. Petes YC twice to celebrate the occasion, Hal had no jacket so they let him use this lovely well fittin one, maybe thought he B a good eater and might swell up to the size provided. Jacket was good and toasty warm with his sweater too. Got there name on that jacket so no big fat man could steal it, we didn't want it N E way, all ready got nuf jackets that don't fit but they B on the small size. Had a good time, even got to have a little toddy both nights to celebrate long marriage. We both re-upped for another year and Here We Come to Texas! Everybody smile and B happie.

Leading the parade at St. Petes.....

2008-12-11T08:09:00.002-06:00

wuz this amazing band.
Went down to the street
cause I heard the LOUD
roar of a band...parade
wuz startin. Were at
least 500 - meybe 750 of these folks playing all age appropriate music. I wanna B one too!
Sweetwater TX here comes YM.
Whole thing worth a trip to St. Petes!

Y.M.'s great regret.............

2008-12-11T07:57:00.001-06:00

I never learned to play
nuthing and never got
to march in a band,
playing REAL march
music. Suppose it is
2 late? Meybe I could learn sumthin and we could do a marching town band in Sweetwater TX. YM would promise to be there for all them practices, mite even lose a little hip fat. Whadda U think? Not about the fat, about the marching band. Can't read music but can swing to the rhythm.

Time of their lives, it wuz...

2008-12-11T07:46:00.001-06:00

Reliving the past
and already lookin
forward to next
year. Wunder if
they perform N E
other time.....
worth a trip to St.
Pete's just to see
this amazing show.

What a show !!!

2008-12-11T07:32:00.000-06:00

It is enough to make
Y.M. wanna take up
and instrument and
Hal too! Hope you
enjoyed and were
N-spired by the show.
Y.M.

Vacation 2008 (edited)

2008-12-09T16:59:00.006-06:00

Recommended by
Chamber of Comm.
of St. Petersburg.
Said it wuz a swell
place. Said it wuz
only place sides the
Hilton (which wuz
booked) within
"walkin distance of
boat show". Look on
left side of hotel ... a
brand new Hampton
Inn. The manager is
Sakim Bakrac. Should
have been a clue.
Ponce De Leon had
new windows, nuthin
else wuz new. not even
the dust, sheet wuz
former drop cloth w/paint on it. No top sheet, no pad
under sheet, just a comforter (small) on top, no bed-
spread. Hal LOVED it (don't like top sheets), coffee pot
don't work. Hotel was within my walking distance, not
his. :-)))) A vacation to remember.

Cerviche bar and restaurant

2008-12-09T16:54:00.003-06:00

interesting
group of ex-
pressionless
folks acting
like n-joying
they selves
and not bored
beyond bored.

Colorful spot, were were in 616, end of it all

2008-12-09T16:50:00.000-06:00

just can't rightly
recall such an
imaginative piece
of decorating.....
no rhyme nor
reason to any of
it.

heat rises from bar downstairs, arrives at FEVER

2008-12-09T16:46:00.000-06:00

As you proceed down
the hallway, art available
at a price is proudly dis-
played. This one can be
yours for only $2000. I
guess the fever is dripping
something, maybe sweat?
Perhaps this is where
Dick In A Box originated?

Purple mouse sitting on black snake on rainy day

2008-12-09T16:38:00.000-06:00

would be a lovely
addition to the room
of Miss Princess.
low bargain @ $800
and it IS an original.

A real bargain

2008-12-09T16:28:00.002-06:00

For only $1800 US dollars you can have

this lovely for your home. it is one of a

kind.........but content unknown, call

Sylvia Stevens for more info.

from Jack & Hank's Secret Santa

2008-12-09T15:59:00.000-06:00

When one stepped off
the elevator at the lovely
hotel and entered the
hallway, this was the 1st
thing one saw. Maybe 1
of these on Decherd St.
Outside would be helpful?
Hal says it is a water
dispenser, NOT what I
think it is. Votes pls.
Y.M.

Yo Mama Don't Much Care.........

2008-12-09T09:34:00.001-06:00

...........what them fancy
lay-dees in this very
class conscious so-fist-
i-kated naborhood 'n
town do B thinkin.
Following my well
deservet foot workover
following days and
days of B-N on my feet
selling boats in the
sun, I got 'em fixed &
then went to the new
Publix all bejewled.
Y.M. is O.K. ok?

Fatty's Christmas Parade Continues

2008-12-07T00:10:00.000-06:00

Fatty's Christmas Parade

2008-12-07T00:06:00.001-06:00

A favorite Christmas song at our house...let's hope that Rufus doesn't start singing it at school:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgXvR97Wk6g

Just Arriving via UPS, Extra Shipping Required

2008-12-05T23:11:00.001-06:00

Happy Turkey Day !

2008-11-26T07:03:00.000-06:00

Have a great day!
And maybe next year
we'll ALL be there
a-cookin together....
Love, Y.M., H, Lucy

#1 ON MY CHRISTMAS GIFT GIVING LIST.....

2008-11-24T18:44:00.001-06:00

All this talk about farting makes me think that this could be a very valuable gift!

Thought for the day

2008-11-24T06:39:00.000-06:00

Never hold your farts in.
They travel up your spine,
into your brain and ......
That is where shitty ideas
come from.

'tis just the come hither smell

2008-11-21T07:04:00.000-06:00

when a woman wears a leather dress
a man's heart abeats quicker
and his throat gets dry
he goes weak in the knees and
he begins to think irrationally
Ever wonder why??????
Because she smells like a new truck

I wonder...................

2008-11-18T19:27:00.000-06:00

Y. M. wonders if they ask
about farting too? Whadda
think? Shall I sign Hal up
for some excitement?

The little Cell Children

2008-11-18T19:24:00.000-06:00

Y.M. saw this and couldn't help but
think of the school teachers in my
little family............

Y.M. is a Freak of Nature

2008-11-17T19:30:00.000-06:00

I really hates to report the
item to your left but thought
it my duty as a re-spon-sible
parent 2 do so. Bout 2 1/2
weeks ago Y.M. saw a PIMPLE
on her chin. I monitored it,
picked at it, squeezed it, but it
didn't wanna do much. Has
been a knot for a few days, I jes
covers it up with makeup. But
2-nite I wuz doin a face check
4 the periodic offensive little
hairs that need pullin and I
saw, much 2 my dismay, a black hump in the bump. I picked
it a bit and voila, a big and long and black and thicky wirey
hair jumped out at me. Of course I ran 4 the camera so you
could check your face, or whatever, and report to your M.D.
Sorry girlies, Y.M. did not plan it this way...........

Not Me, She Said

2008-11-17T19:17:00.000-06:00

Lucy was more than happy
and co-operative to show
those who are enter-ested
that she is not carrying the
Jesus gene.
That wood B all Y.M. has
2 say bout that. Now, we
standing by to see what
Nelson wood like to share.

GET REAL, POR FAVOR

2008-11-14T13:13:00.001-06:00

Lookin like to Y.M. that sum
folks B 2 tall and sum B 2
short. Not N E middle sizes
about it. PTL that we not
fittin in neither category.
Have you ever met 'em B-fore?
Plenty scarey, ain't it!

Lovely Lady

2008-11-14T07:35:00.000-06:00

Think she gother watch set
wrong tween am and pm.
Ain't she a beauty, bet her
mama is mitey proud of this
little design. Maybe it B her
casual friday outfit.

CHECK NELSON AND LUCY IMMEDIATELY!!!!

2008-11-14T00:58:00.002-06:00

You never know what treasures you will uncover!!!

Things to Do This Weekend......

2008-11-14T00:43:00.001-06:00

#1 - Get a Pedicure

Reflections on Flatulence.....

2008-11-14T00:29:00.003-06:00

DON'T WEAR THE PAD, JUST BE GLAD!

2008-11-14T00:22:00.003-06:00

If you purchase one of those loverly filters, it might prevent you from being able to express youself as nature intended.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YszlftVHEa8

Fatty's Christmas Wish List #1

2008-11-13T23:32:00.002-06:00

2-Morrow B Casual Friday

2008-11-13T20:14:00.000-06:00

Shaniqua B wantin 2 no
what lil outfit you plannin
2 wear, wanna B sure it
ain't the same as hers.

Yo Mama has a different
look N mind for hersself.

What college did she choose?

2008-11-13T20:09:00.000-06:00

Awaiting your comments
and observations..........

Y.M.

Mama, don't let yo babies grow up to be cowboys ....

2008-11-13T08:39:00.000-06:00

I think he B thinkin that no
bodie told him this mite be
a happenin...........

OUCH!

2008-11-13T08:33:00.000-06:00

Don't lettum grow up 2 B
toreadors neither.

Fast Forward

2008-11-11T07:10:00.000-06:00

Can it B? Is it Carroll and
Nancy somewhere down the
line aft-her Y.M. is in the
great beyond? Sure didn't
know it was a butt snore.

Rufus the Tutor, Volume 1

2008-11-06T22:34:00.004-06:00

Tuesday was not a video game day, so what was the point of existing? Boudreaux comes home and sticks his nose in a book. Magoo is dismantling the house. What is a poor middle child to do? Strap on his iPod and lay face down, sprawled on the floor for an hour. Of course, what is a mother to do? Let all those sleeping dogs keep laying there as long as they are shut up.

Then later, I happen to be walking into the kitchen. Rufus is sitting with Magoo at the table, intently working on teaching her something of great value...

Rufus, very slowly and deliberately: "Okay, here it is again. Say it: Screw...you...we're...from...Texus."

Magoo: "Sroo yew...Tech-sass."

Nice.

For the "Easy to Amuse" Crowd out There

2008-11-06T22:11:00.002-06:00

Bumpus got some blood test results back that were not good...pre-diabetic levels, in fact. Therefore, Bumpus is now on a "Mediteranean" diet that includes whole grains, fruits, veg, and fish or chicken ONLY three meals per week. No more than 1/2 a pound of red meat (includes pork) per M-O-N-T-H. What does this mean? We...both mind you, for moral support and because I don't want to be a widow...are now almost vegetarians. What else does it mean? That I am friggin gonna die if I don't get me a hangaburger soon (you know how you always want what you can't have). More? That he is supposed to drink 1-2 glasses of red wine per night. Next implication? That I will be joining him by drinking two HUGE glasses of cheap white wine per night, too. After all, a wife should support her husband.

So tonight, dinner was asparagus, broccoli, tomatoes, okra, and two pieces of double-fiber wheat bread. Then two large glasses of wine. What does this mean? Three things: (1) that my pee already stinks from the asparagus, (2) that I'll be shitting like a duck with the runs tomorrow, and (3) that I am easily amused. Therefore, I will share the source of my amusement:

Talkin' to the Beautiful, Grown Up Cousin

2008-11-05T21:10:00.002-06:00

Magoo has been pretending to talk to her West Texus cousins on the phone, so tonight I called them in real life so she could actually say hi. This made her night! Here is what it looked like on our end.

NOW I KNOW WHOSE FAULT IT IS!!!!!!!

2008-11-05T18:02:00.001-06:00

Body Parts Anyone?

2008-10-31T23:59:00.003-05:00

Last week, we were riding in the car and Rufus was busy studying an anatomy book. Of course the book is age-appropriate. Otherwise, you could tear all the other pages out except the peety and peety pit illustrations because nothing else would grab his attention like that.

But he was engrossed in studying away as I drove into town. Suddenly he wanted to know...

Rufus: "Mama, what is a jen-eye-tall?"

Fatty: "Huh?"

Rufus: "A jen-eye-tall, Mama, a jen-eye-tall!"

Fatty: "Do you mean a genital?"

R: "Yes."

F: "Your genitals are your private parts."

Boudreaux: "THAT is QUITE enough."

Magoo: "Snake farm nasty."

Now, moving on to other body parts. This picture was taken tonight, as the rock band imitations continued. That is quite a yapper this one has on him. Is that down into esophagus that I can see? Is it his spine? Does he have a chicken bone permanently lodged in his throat? The anatomy book doesn't give me enough details to figure out this one.

Official Halloween Documentation, 2008

2008-10-31T23:46:00.003-05:00

This year's costumes were not settled until the whiff of chocolate hit the air at 5:15 PM on Halloween evening. Originally, Boudreaux had been planning to be a pretty pink princess...thus, the lovely Walgreen's $7.99 blond wig that I bought. However, once he was in the dress and the wig and I was threatening him with lipstick, he backed out. Hence, we now have a very fine $7.99 Walgreen's hair band rock out wig. I have pictures of Bumpus in the wig, but if I put them on the blog he will get bad bad revenge, and we can't go having that.

So Boudreaux morphed from a princess into a bespectacled Star Wars sith with a do rag and some sort of plastic bugs/skeletons/boogers hanging out of the mask's airholes. Rufus went back to his mutant Star Wars character approach, too--the same approach used before a costume party last weekend...plus some menacing "come here and getcha some" faces.

That left Magoo, who has over the past two weeks become extremely opinionated about her clothes. Like Sarah Palin's handlers, she has both high fa-loot-in taste and a complete disrespect for anything made out of synthetic material. She, like her Mama, is a cotton snob. We shun acrylic, nylon, spandex, and all that other crap as often as possible. So Magoo, being the last and the girl, had three costume choices: (1) a lovely black witch dress and hat purchased off the sale rack at Target ($6.69), (2) an equally lovely pink layered princess dress purchased at Walgreens ($9.99) with a boa, crown, and any other ah-coo-tray-ments she desired. I was even willing to let her wear the aligator hat with it. Choice #3 was the Mama-made Princess Leigha hair/hat and cloak from last year. Despite being in her current "pink phase" and despite loving witches, Magoo went for ye old standby, which was good with me because last year she wouldn't leave the hair on. This year we threatened her with "if you don't have your hair on, they won't give you any chocolate when you go to the door." The be-jeweled "tap taps" (flip flops) and maroon/white binky were the bling on top.

May the farce be with you.

Random Halloween Photos, 2008

2008-10-31T23:34:00.002-05:00

Rufus is excited about his present: RockBand for Wii.

Practicing the fine artistry of the hairband rock out.

Boudreaux busts out with an imitation of Courtney Love...or Britney...of something...

The Shrine to Rufus

2008-10-31T23:31:00.002-05:00

Rufus having a Halloween birthday means that his celebration always gets meshed in with the normal trick or treating, etc. So this year, I decided, a week before his birthday, to make him his own special display. Magoo and I decorated a big banner for his birthday (above what you can see in the picture) and then I set up this lovely display. The big newspaper covered box is his "big" present. Bumpus thought it looked like a shrine.

Haircut #3: On the Way to Da Bob

2008-10-31T23:28:00.001-05:00

Magoo was expertly bribed by the very fine hair cutting professional. We are working on having a bob haircut, but we have to wait for the pieces around her face to grow out first.

HEY YO MAMA - FEEL FREE TO LEAVE THIS SIGN IN THE YARD

2008-10-29T16:51:00.002-05:00

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

2008-10-27T17:30:00.002-05:00

"NO OBAMA" says YO MAMA

2008-10-26T17:05:00.002-05:00

I am proud to announce that political signs in the neighborhood are no longer safe - Yo Mama is on a political mission to remove all Obama signs and throw them in the bushes. You GO, YO MAMA!!!

Post-Report from Sin City, Part VI

2008-10-15T19:04:00.002-05:00

I was sitting in the Houston airport with my i-Pod on, watching a silly TV show. I completely forgot where I was, and I completely wasn't paying attention to myself, and I farted. Now, I had headphones on, so I didn't hear it. However, I felt the Thunder from Down Under, and it didn't feel like a puny one. The guy sitting to my right, who had been reading, also looked up from his book. I smiled...real big.

What do you expect? Remember that whole no-poo-away-from-home issue? Eventually you have to pay the piper.

Post-Report from Sin City, Part V

2008-10-15T19:03:00.001-05:00

The air port shuttle picked me up at 7 AM, and I noticed the guy talked real funny, with an odd accent. When he left me off, I said thank you, and he asked me where I was from. I told him Texus, and he asked what part. He was from the same area. No wonder he talked funny. He talked just like me.

Post-Report from Sin City, Part IV

2008-10-15T19:00:00.004-05:00

We did not go to Thunder from Down Under because, in my house, that is one of the things we call farts. Who wants to pay good money to watch a bunch of overly groomed, oiled, sweaty, leather-pants-wearing girly men fart?

Post-Report from Sin City, Part III

2008-10-15T19:00:00.001-05:00

I promised not to discuss what we drank or how late we stayed out.

Post-Report from Sin City, Part II

2008-10-15T18:58:00.009-05:00

We did not take any photos of me losing my money. That is a private event.

Although I did get some free drinks...

Post-Report from Sin City, Part I

2008-10-15T18:58:00.008-05:00

I lost all of my money. Quickly. Twenty cents at a time.

Magoo and Rufus Prepare for Church

2008-10-15T18:53:00.003-05:00

At dinner tonight, Rufus was busy teaching Magoo some new tunes. I'm assuming that this is in preparation for our bi-monthly church attendance this coming weekend. First he taught her the individual words, then she put it together in a song.

Sing along, using the melody to "Are You Sleeping, Brother John":

"Rat pa too tee, Rat pa too tee,
Chicken balls. Chicken balls.
Meaty meaty meatballs.
Meaty meaty meatballs.
Spherical meat. Spherical meat."

Yes, I had to ask Bumpus how to spell spear-i-cal.

Just Standing By ..........

2008-10-15T15:50:00.000-05:00

Y.M. is threw with her flowerbed
cleaning and planting and now she
just standing by WAITING FOR
BLOG PHOTOS AND FULL REPORT
ON THE MOST RECENT TRIP OF
THE WAYWARD GIRLIES...........

Home Again

2008-10-15T15:48:00.000-05:00

Guess what arrived home 2-day, no
canvas, lotsa stuff 2 do 2 make ready
for the fall voyage. The Kaptain was a
nervous nelly til he got it all tied up.
And, NO, he did not drive the boat, got
his Friend Frank the pilot to drive and
The Kaptain just hung out and bossed
the whole situation. Glad to have that
behind us. Shame I won't be here for the
next 4 days to haul, load, clean, move and
smile alot. B doing that next week.
Y.M. reporting in

A Bit of His-tor-E

2008-10-15T15:43:00.000-05:00

We gonna put this somewhere M-Portant
on the outside of That House so people B
knowing where they R. This is Hal's first
office sign, 1966. Don't ya think this is a
winner? Got 2 more, one a more recent
sign and then the last one "Corporate
Office" when they moved him out of the
main office N-2 the little office next door.

Dear CPS,I hereby confess to scaring the shit out of my daughter.Love,Fatty

2008-10-08T19:43:00.004-05:00

A few weeks ago, Magoo and I were having our evening shower party, where I end up sitting on the floor of the shower while she plays with all the toys I manage to cram in there, much to Bumpus's sha-grin.

We ended up playing a game where I would hide my eyes with my hands, Magoo would pour water from a cup over my shoulder/leg/head, and I would open my hands and yell BOO! Think of a shower version peek-a-boo and you have the idea. So this went on for some time, probably a dozen rounds, and she was having a blast, shrieking and laughing.

I went for another round, closed my eyes, felt the water pour over my shoulder, and yelled "BOO!" She screamed and laughed and then look absolutely shocked. Her face froze and she stood very still. Then she turned around and looked down. She had pooped. She was MORT-ee-FIDE.

Now, let me take a little side trip here to say that each of my boys had one poop-in-the-tub incident. I was mortified, but each of them at their own point (around 2 years old) thought is was hilarious. They laughed and pointed and laughed some more. I got out the friggin' bleach and went to work on the e-coli.

Poor Magoo. She was more ashamed than I have ever seen her look. Of course, I immediately started saying "It's okay, baby, let's just clean it up." Well, actually, I said that right after I said "Wait. Stand real still. Don't move." It was about the size of a small cat turd (TMI!!!), so I got it with some tissue, flushed it, and then (without Magoo in the shower, of course, you silly CPS people) did the bleach clean up. She was very quiet this whole time, but I was having a hard time not jiggling...I mean giggling...that, too.

We dried off, got dressed, and went out to tell Bumpus. I told the story, while she continued to look sheepish. I gave her kisses and told her it was okay. Finally, she looked at me very sternly. She may have even raised her little chubby finger and wagged it at me a little. In a very annoyed tone, she finally spoke: "No more scare baby, mama. No BOO. Boo Baby POOP!"

This lecture continued for the next 10 minutes.